Foot, Meet Mouth

Let me start off by letting you guys know that there is someone I know that I'd like to FUCK. Not to put it so crudely, but it's the truth. No stolen kisses behind the curtain, no late night pillow talk, no declarations of like and promises to make things work, just a good ol' fashioned FUCK. Hair pulling, no word using, leave-before-the-sun-comes-up sex. Understandably, it's been a while since I've had some real human to human interaction (read: orgasm) and this guy's the first in a while that's actually tickled my fancy. But, thanks to Anita Hill and her shenanigans, I can't say anything without risking a sexual harrassment complaint. Gone are the days of free love, drugs and sex in the world of radio. Sad times...

Anyway, I've harbored these sexual feelings for this young man for quite some time now and today, it just all came to a head. He called me about something having to do with work...and I became 15 years old, much to my chagrin. Think I'm over exaggerating? I submit for your analysis, the conversation:

Hottie I'd like to f (HILF): Hey, JustTrina, what's up?
JustTrina (JT): Hey you, what's goin' on?
HILF: Nothing, I just got a note folded on my desk and it told me to call you.
JT: Well, that was from the other day, don't you think you should have thrown that away by now? I'm a little creeped out that you keep little mementos from me like that...
HILF: I did. I even laminated it and it's now on my keychain.
JT: Well, I'm honored. What I wanted to talk about, we can do whenever. I'm off tomorrow, but I'll be in Thursday, so we can sit down and talk about it then.
HILF: Well, I'm out of town.
JT: Like, now?
HILF: Well, I'm on the way to my house to get my stuff and then I'm out...But I'm sitting in traffic.
JT: So, where ya goin'?
HILF: -------
JT: Really? People always tell me I'm a ----- girl at heart, but I have yet to figure that out.
(skip pointless conversation)
HILF: Well, since I'm in traffic, if there's anyhting we can talk about on the phone, we can do that.
JT: (laughs) Well, that depends on how personal you want me to get!! Hmmm, let's see, my life is a joke. The world is in shambles, my life is in shambles. I dated a black guy who thought he was Japanese, I mean he put Bruce Leroy to shame. My life? I have no life!! I spend all my time on the department while I wait for a new ---- to be named so it can not be me and I can get SUPER angry about that. Aren't you glad you opened the floodgates with this? Too much information that I'm sharing?
HILF: It's wondrous. I mean wond-er-ous.
JT: Better yet, wonderful, full of wonder. Moving on, how are you?
HILF: Fine.
JT: That's it? I gave you my life in 30 seconds and all you have is a succint "fine?" That's awesome.
HILF: (laughs) That's one thing you'll learn about me, things are always fine.
JT: Well, what are you having cuz I need some of THAT.
(something about Kool-Aid)
JT: Well, we need to get together some time and drink that Kool-Aid together cuz I need some of that in my life.
HILF: I'll whip up a batch out in ----- and bring some back for you. Well, I'm gonna go.
JT: Okay, have a good trip, hope everything turns out all right.

It is somewhat abridged, but don't worry your pretty little heads, all the embarrassing parts are live, raw and uncut for your pleasure. THAT was the conversation, seriously. Can you REALLY tell me that wasn't BAD?!? I've gotta see this guy again, dammit.

And the comforting word from Wendy, my darling BFF? "Well, you can go ahead and scratch ---- off the list." Truer words have never been spoken.

Foot, meet mouth.

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