Allow Me To Reintroduce Myself...To Myself

Hello people, I am BACK!! I had a rough couple of days there, but I'm back and ready to take on the world. I've come to many a conclusion and am getting some plans in motion.

First thing: It's back to NY for me in May. I figure I should give myself a bit of a window to shut down things here in ATL and get it poppin' for the apartment in BK.

Second thing: I hate Sundays. Football aside, Sundays are sucking. I always end up having some sort of heart to heart or painful conversation on Sundays. So from now on, my cell phone's off and my away message will be up EVERY Sunday. Besides, my 2nd job starts soon and I plan to work as much as possible to fund my 25th Birthday Bash.

Third thing: I'm happy being single. There was a point where I thought I wanted a relationship, but that's not what I need right now. I wanted to be comfortable and happy with someone who allowed me to be myself. I didn't wanna go through the akward stage of "getting to know you and seeing if you like me and seeing how well we are together." I don't have time for all that rigth now. I'm about to be 25 years old and hell, if it's meant to happen, it will happen. Of course I said the same thing last year and look what happened. I no longer care, I like the life of a bachelorette and I'm sure I can find a warm body if I need, so problem solved.

Fourth thing: The tables are turning. Men are now back to looking for that "perfect 10." There were a couple of years there when guys were learning to look deeper than the surface when it came to looking for a girlfriend. Apparently, I missed that boat cuz they're back to looking for dimes. And it's bullshit, but it's true. My friend said to me yesterday that this girl he liked was coming to visit and he didn't know what to do. When I asked him why, he told me that she's no longer pretty enough for him. She was fine a couple of years ago, but now she's not good enough. WOW. And I'M the one who's got it all twisted cuz I don't like bullshit, huh? Good job.

Fifth thing: I'm through actually caring what people think of me. They think I'm too gruff, tough titty. They think I'm a bitch, even tougher. I'm SO tired of extending myself to people who could care less about what I'm going through or how I'm feeling. And that's everyone, from G Money (my dad) to the Goddess. I'm done with being the sunshiny, happy advice giving girl everyone wants to talk to and dump their problems on. I'm not checking up on anyone anymore, none of that. I'm going to become what everyone already thinks: a true bitch. I'm no longer defending myself and explaining to them about how they've got me all wrong or took something I said incorrectly. I have a kind heart and good nature and if people can't take the time to see it for what leaves my mouth, I could seriously give a fuck.

Sixth thing: I deserve happiness and I plan to seize it. No matter what happens or how things unfold, I'm going to be happy. And anyone who doesn't agree with me or plan to help me along that path can kiss my ass. I will no longer allow drama that is not mine to consume my life and my thoughts, inhibiting my own joy. No more crying myself to sleep at night, reaching out to people that could probably do without the drama themselves cuz they have their own issues.

I'm a soldier. I came in this world alone, I've dealt with a HELL of a lot alone and I'm gonna die alone. And it's about time I remembered that. Wow, a weekend to yourself can put a lot in persepective! Can't believe I slipped up THAT much this past year, geez.

But I don't wanna end this negatively, I was just venting. A positive thing that happened: I'm going to Jay-Z and Friends in October. I don't have 2 nickels to rub on my nipples, but I pulled that $155 out of somewhere and will of course be paying for it later. Not to mention I have to get a flight into NY for the damn thing, too. But I love President Carter and I'm gonna make it work! I've never lived my life in regret and don't plan to start now.

So, I'm goin' to see my BK shawty next month and CANNOT wait, got a new perspective of life and am startin' to plan on how to make my way in the world. It was a good weekend and I was allowed to reintroduce myself to myself... :-D

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