All Falls Down
I know it's been a while...and I just want everyone to know that I am having a TERRIBLE time of it. Things are in shambles and I am feeling the weight of everything.
Let's see...My brother is now moving back to New York, which I am TOTALLY okay with, becuase it is his last time floating between myself and my father. He wants to be an adult but continues to act like a 16-year-old brat. He smokes weed twice/thrice a day and is just becoming disgusting to me. His brain is fried (he used the word "throwed" in an actual conversation last night) and I can't be worried about him anymore. I haven't even birthed any children, yet I find myself taking care of him like my mother would.
My taxes are a mess, and I can't stand it. I can't claim my brother as a dependent, though I supported him the entire year and paid for his schooling, to my own financial detriment. He said no one can claim him on his own taxes so he could get a refund. How much did he walk away with, you ask? A whopping $126. Really.
The love life isn't even something I'm willing to write about for the simple fact that it is non-existent.
Ahh, and I'm fat. That's a quote. My father called me fat and offered me $1,000 to lose 50lbs., which I really want to take him up on and go to London, where I just might stay for life. But that has depressed me and I'm not as sunshiny as I usually am. I went to the gym and weighed myself...240lbs. That's not a misread...240 F'N POUNDS!! If that's not enough to depress a person, I don't know what is. Bad part about that is, when I get depressed, I eat MORE. So I'm screwed even harder.
I just don't want to fake it today, y'know? I'm in one of those moods to just call everyone out on their BS...and disappear. I want to call out the morning show for getting me all geared up for their help and doing nothing. They used me for the 20 minutes of good radio and moved on to the next story once they realized my dad wouldn't come on the radio to defend himself. I want to call out my brother for being retarded and not knowing what the hell he wants to do with his life. I want to call out my friend for being a chicken and not applying for the PERFECT job for her. I want to call out my dad for being such a shallow douchenozzle. I want to call everyone out -- but I won't. And that depresses me further.
Needless to say, it has been a rough couple of days and I'm just not coping very well. I think I'm entitled, I'm perky and awesome EVERY SINGLE DAY of my life. I just need this one pass.
Let's see...My brother is now moving back to New York, which I am TOTALLY okay with, becuase it is his last time floating between myself and my father. He wants to be an adult but continues to act like a 16-year-old brat. He smokes weed twice/thrice a day and is just becoming disgusting to me. His brain is fried (he used the word "throwed" in an actual conversation last night) and I can't be worried about him anymore. I haven't even birthed any children, yet I find myself taking care of him like my mother would.
My taxes are a mess, and I can't stand it. I can't claim my brother as a dependent, though I supported him the entire year and paid for his schooling, to my own financial detriment. He said no one can claim him on his own taxes so he could get a refund. How much did he walk away with, you ask? A whopping $126. Really.
The love life isn't even something I'm willing to write about for the simple fact that it is non-existent.
Ahh, and I'm fat. That's a quote. My father called me fat and offered me $1,000 to lose 50lbs., which I really want to take him up on and go to London, where I just might stay for life. But that has depressed me and I'm not as sunshiny as I usually am. I went to the gym and weighed myself...240lbs. That's not a misread...240 F'N POUNDS!! If that's not enough to depress a person, I don't know what is. Bad part about that is, when I get depressed, I eat MORE. So I'm screwed even harder.
I just don't want to fake it today, y'know? I'm in one of those moods to just call everyone out on their BS...and disappear. I want to call out the morning show for getting me all geared up for their help and doing nothing. They used me for the 20 minutes of good radio and moved on to the next story once they realized my dad wouldn't come on the radio to defend himself. I want to call out my brother for being retarded and not knowing what the hell he wants to do with his life. I want to call out my friend for being a chicken and not applying for the PERFECT job for her. I want to call out my dad for being such a shallow douchenozzle. I want to call everyone out -- but I won't. And that depresses me further.
Needless to say, it has been a rough couple of days and I'm just not coping very well. I think I'm entitled, I'm perky and awesome EVERY SINGLE DAY of my life. I just need this one pass.
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