My Inspiration
When you meet someone, you want them to think you are the best "you" that you can be, right? Somehow I missed that memo. I think it's because I've come so far in life that I just.don't.care. And I'm not allowed to do that, I know, but it is just SUCH a hard habit to break.
We went on a trip to Miami and met a bunch of cool people this past weekend and I can honestly say I felt like they just TOLERATED me. Which, for me, is SUPER weird. I'm the awesome person in the group and I think my new social circle doesn't get that. While not fake, they are also not very...real. Make sense? Thought not.
Like, instead of taking the good, bad and ugly, the people I am around tend to just deal in sunshine and roses, something I was NEVER able to do. That's not what my dad raised me to look at. And maybe this weird turn in my life where I am trying to develop "real life" friendships is just wrong.
I just can't be fake.
If I don't like you, I am pretty much all set. There's not vying for my friendship or yours, you immediately become persona non grata. It's what's best for all parties involved, if you ask me. Back to the conundrum, though. In my new circle, that is not allowed. They'd much rather be in each other's faces and talk about you instead, something (besides simply stating facts) I have never been able to master.
You know WHY I wrote the "Town Cryer" when I was in high school? It was because I was tired of people talking about who did what and whom behind closed doors. If the whole school was talking about it, then what is the difference if it were suddenly written down on paper. Arguments of libel and slander aside, what was the TRUE difference?
And that's how I feel now. I feel like we are all tiptoe-ing around the real issues, sharing half or surface-deep stories...and I can't do that. I also can't share everything about myself for fear that it will turn people away. I ALSO can't choose not to deal with them as it's unfair and ill-advised.
All this thinking has really made me not want to be around anyone and actually DREAD the days to come. I'm working on it, it's just something I had to get out. So all those toiling emotions are today what have become my inspiration.
We went on a trip to Miami and met a bunch of cool people this past weekend and I can honestly say I felt like they just TOLERATED me. Which, for me, is SUPER weird. I'm the awesome person in the group and I think my new social circle doesn't get that. While not fake, they are also not very...real. Make sense? Thought not.
Like, instead of taking the good, bad and ugly, the people I am around tend to just deal in sunshine and roses, something I was NEVER able to do. That's not what my dad raised me to look at. And maybe this weird turn in my life where I am trying to develop "real life" friendships is just wrong.
I just can't be fake.
If I don't like you, I am pretty much all set. There's not vying for my friendship or yours, you immediately become persona non grata. It's what's best for all parties involved, if you ask me. Back to the conundrum, though. In my new circle, that is not allowed. They'd much rather be in each other's faces and talk about you instead, something (besides simply stating facts) I have never been able to master.
You know WHY I wrote the "Town Cryer" when I was in high school? It was because I was tired of people talking about who did what and whom behind closed doors. If the whole school was talking about it, then what is the difference if it were suddenly written down on paper. Arguments of libel and slander aside, what was the TRUE difference?
And that's how I feel now. I feel like we are all tiptoe-ing around the real issues, sharing half or surface-deep stories...and I can't do that. I also can't share everything about myself for fear that it will turn people away. I ALSO can't choose not to deal with them as it's unfair and ill-advised.
All this thinking has really made me not want to be around anyone and actually DREAD the days to come. I'm working on it, it's just something I had to get out. So all those toiling emotions are today what have become my inspiration.
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