First Step
It's been a while since I've written and I think it's time for a return. I tried using normal, human outlets to air my frustrations, desires, and shortcomings; they did not work. Apparently I'm more comfortable posting my life with the possibility of public consumption than dealing in real life. Yet I'm terrible at social media, go figure.
Anyways, today's post is about beauty, something I write about more oft than not. This does not mean that I'll be blogging every day nor does it mean that I will NOT be blogging daily. Bottom line: I just don't know. On with it, though.
Let me start by stating that while I may have some improvements to make, I'm pretty much happy with who I am. The issue I'm having is getting that to translate to the ones I find attractive. How so? I'll explain.
Like the proverbial "little girl" in the Jimmy Eat World song, I'm in the middle. Of everything. I'm not fat, not skinny. Not ugly, not beautiful. Not angelic, not evil. My tastes in those of the opposite sex seem to be polar opposites as well. My celebrity crushes range from Alton Brown to Bobby Flay to Jesse Williams to Drew Scott (no offense, Jonathan). For me, it's not just looks, it's personality all the way. It's personality that makes you want to be around a person, not how good they look. Doesn't hurt, but not a life does hotness make.
So what's the point? It's not about me. I recently found myself attracted to someone, something that's a rarity due to my tastes. I tested the waters and can't tell if the feelings are mutual. While I'm a big girl and know that this is not the end of the world, it does bring up some "stuff."
I had a daydream, and it wasn't a good one. It boils down to this: I want be seen. Not just seen, but wanted, desired. I want someone to see how I take care of everyone else and want to take care of me. Be my person. Be the one I call on, turn to, the one I submit to. Make me sit down, tell me when I'm doing the most. Be my bestie, but in dude form. Be around me, make me laugh, laugh at me. Whisper to me, stare at me.
I think it's just that I'm tired of being "wifey material," it scares people. I have many things to offer, but no one seems to want to DATE me. A date doesn't have to result in a wedding. It can, but it doesn't have to. A date is just that, some conversation, groceries and maybe a little making out at the end. No life-altering events, just a reminder that you are desired, even fleetingly.
So have I said anything to this guy? I have not. Simply because I want to be pursued. If I say anything, it's either considered forward or thirsty, somehow leaving ME with the possibility of rejection. Trust me, I miss those days of being straightforward; unfortunately, it sets the tone for the entire interaction, something I'm tired of doing. i work so hard in my real life that I don't want to do it in my relationship.
There are tons of folks that are just not into you, I get that. For once, though, I'd like to know how the other half lives. Just take the first step, I'll handle the rest.
Anyways, today's post is about beauty, something I write about more oft than not. This does not mean that I'll be blogging every day nor does it mean that I will NOT be blogging daily. Bottom line: I just don't know. On with it, though.
Let me start by stating that while I may have some improvements to make, I'm pretty much happy with who I am. The issue I'm having is getting that to translate to the ones I find attractive. How so? I'll explain.
Like the proverbial "little girl" in the Jimmy Eat World song, I'm in the middle. Of everything. I'm not fat, not skinny. Not ugly, not beautiful. Not angelic, not evil. My tastes in those of the opposite sex seem to be polar opposites as well. My celebrity crushes range from Alton Brown to Bobby Flay to Jesse Williams to Drew Scott (no offense, Jonathan). For me, it's not just looks, it's personality all the way. It's personality that makes you want to be around a person, not how good they look. Doesn't hurt, but not a life does hotness make.
So what's the point? It's not about me. I recently found myself attracted to someone, something that's a rarity due to my tastes. I tested the waters and can't tell if the feelings are mutual. While I'm a big girl and know that this is not the end of the world, it does bring up some "stuff."
I had a daydream, and it wasn't a good one. It boils down to this: I want be seen. Not just seen, but wanted, desired. I want someone to see how I take care of everyone else and want to take care of me. Be my person. Be the one I call on, turn to, the one I submit to. Make me sit down, tell me when I'm doing the most. Be my bestie, but in dude form. Be around me, make me laugh, laugh at me. Whisper to me, stare at me.
I think it's just that I'm tired of being "wifey material," it scares people. I have many things to offer, but no one seems to want to DATE me. A date doesn't have to result in a wedding. It can, but it doesn't have to. A date is just that, some conversation, groceries and maybe a little making out at the end. No life-altering events, just a reminder that you are desired, even fleetingly.
So have I said anything to this guy? I have not. Simply because I want to be pursued. If I say anything, it's either considered forward or thirsty, somehow leaving ME with the possibility of rejection. Trust me, I miss those days of being straightforward; unfortunately, it sets the tone for the entire interaction, something I'm tired of doing. i work so hard in my real life that I don't want to do it in my relationship.
There are tons of folks that are just not into you, I get that. For once, though, I'd like to know how the other half lives. Just take the first step, I'll handle the rest.
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