Am I Mad?
Taking cue from Tyler Perry's Diary of a Mad Black Woman, here are some random thoughts:
My brother is wack, he falls in love once a week and now he's in a "relationship." With a chick he's never seen or met. Good job, numb nuts...
Why do Keyia and Veronica keep calling my interaction with Corey a relationship? Is there a memo out there that I missed? It's like two people can't talk to each other like everyday and have it be just that...talking, geez. I like to talk to him and I guess I entertain him enough, cuz he calls me too.
So this just happened:
vjean21 (9:29:43 AM): your brother is still exploring his emotions
vjean21 (9:30:06 AM): he hasn't had a that much experience yet
CharchezLeFemme (9:30:14 AM): ehh, i guess so
CharchezLeFemme (9:30:17 AM): he's just weird
vjean21 (9:30:19 AM): so he is going to fall in an out of love quickly
vjean21 (9:30:28 AM): no he's not, he is just wierd to you
vjean21 (9:31:04 AM): cause you have this huge cemented, brick wall around your emotions and he just have a swing fence
vjean21 (9:31:10 AM): swinging*
CharchezLeFemme (9:33:31 AM): that's cool
CharchezLeFemme (9:33:34 AM): bitch
Dude, what's that about? People act like I'm so friggin' hardcore, and that pisses me off. I mean, why is it that my anger is displayed so quickly, without hesitation, but other emotions closer to my heart are harder to convey? I'll tell you why, cuz people take them for granted. They take what you say or give them and keep it. Then they keep taking and taking until you have nothing left but bitterness and regret. Since I don't live my life paying attention to either, it takes a LONG time to get me to a point like that. And guaranteed, I'm there a lot sooner than I will admit to you anyways.
It's just the first human instinct of self preservation. I have diarrhea of the mouth, most definitely, but only after I've over analyzed something and realize I really have nothing to lose cuz I've moved on from that emotion. That's just me. And I know there are other people out there who act and feel the same way, so there's no shock and awe. We all do it, and that's why we think love is so great, cuz we give so much of ourselves to another. And though my way of thinking may inhibit me from ever finding a loving, lasting, adult relationship, at least I've got myself and I never let me down.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not as cold and callous as I come across in this blog, I feel things. I feel a lot. Anyone who's paid attention to my rants here can easily tell that. I have emotions, but the depth of those emotions is a mystery. Poor Corey knows that! I'll give him like 75% and drop it back down to 20%. All the time. Kudos to him for stickin' through it all, too, that is one resilient man, lemme tell ya. Well, he doesn't pay attention to me, so that could play a big part...
But here's the point: I was watching the movie (which I love, by the way) and couldn't help but relate to the woman who'd been hurt. So I wondered if I was a mad black woman and started to analyze that. And I'm not, cuz I am very hopeful for love one day, I just need to learn to let go and recognize it when it's there.
So I guess I've answered my own question: Am I mad? Nope, I'm just waitin'! :-D
My brother is wack, he falls in love once a week and now he's in a "relationship." With a chick he's never seen or met. Good job, numb nuts...
Why do Keyia and Veronica keep calling my interaction with Corey a relationship? Is there a memo out there that I missed? It's like two people can't talk to each other like everyday and have it be just that...talking, geez. I like to talk to him and I guess I entertain him enough, cuz he calls me too.
So this just happened:
vjean21 (9:29:43 AM): your brother is still exploring his emotions
vjean21 (9:30:06 AM): he hasn't had a that much experience yet
CharchezLeFemme (9:30:14 AM): ehh, i guess so
CharchezLeFemme (9:30:17 AM): he's just weird
vjean21 (9:30:19 AM): so he is going to fall in an out of love quickly
vjean21 (9:30:28 AM): no he's not, he is just wierd to you
vjean21 (9:31:04 AM): cause you have this huge cemented, brick wall around your emotions and he just have a swing fence
vjean21 (9:31:10 AM): swinging*
CharchezLeFemme (9:33:31 AM): that's cool
CharchezLeFemme (9:33:34 AM): bitch
Dude, what's that about? People act like I'm so friggin' hardcore, and that pisses me off. I mean, why is it that my anger is displayed so quickly, without hesitation, but other emotions closer to my heart are harder to convey? I'll tell you why, cuz people take them for granted. They take what you say or give them and keep it. Then they keep taking and taking until you have nothing left but bitterness and regret. Since I don't live my life paying attention to either, it takes a LONG time to get me to a point like that. And guaranteed, I'm there a lot sooner than I will admit to you anyways.
It's just the first human instinct of self preservation. I have diarrhea of the mouth, most definitely, but only after I've over analyzed something and realize I really have nothing to lose cuz I've moved on from that emotion. That's just me. And I know there are other people out there who act and feel the same way, so there's no shock and awe. We all do it, and that's why we think love is so great, cuz we give so much of ourselves to another. And though my way of thinking may inhibit me from ever finding a loving, lasting, adult relationship, at least I've got myself and I never let me down.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not as cold and callous as I come across in this blog, I feel things. I feel a lot. Anyone who's paid attention to my rants here can easily tell that. I have emotions, but the depth of those emotions is a mystery. Poor Corey knows that! I'll give him like 75% and drop it back down to 20%. All the time. Kudos to him for stickin' through it all, too, that is one resilient man, lemme tell ya. Well, he doesn't pay attention to me, so that could play a big part...
But here's the point: I was watching the movie (which I love, by the way) and couldn't help but relate to the woman who'd been hurt. So I wondered if I was a mad black woman and started to analyze that. And I'm not, cuz I am very hopeful for love one day, I just need to learn to let go and recognize it when it's there.
So I guess I've answered my own question: Am I mad? Nope, I'm just waitin'! :-D
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