Why?

Some longtime readers know the battle I've had with my feelings for Jeff, but I can assure you, I've never been more absolute in my intentions. I don't shy away from how I feel anymore, I simply live with them. I've f's things up in the past and hurt the very last person on Earth I wanted to hurt, and I have to deal with that. Idle apologies and declarations of love won't get me anywhere on this one.

So, yes, I love Jeff. I don't think I've ever swayed on THAT point, it is what it is. Being in love with him comes in waves, as he lives 700 miles away and I rarely speak to him besides the occasional text or phone call. And, more likely than not, he's the one I will marry and make babies with. I get that, and I'm comfortable with it. But you may find yourself wondering why. I'll tell you.

It's always been Jeff. Jeff who loved me (he may not admit that, but I know) when I was fat (ter). Jeff who prefers my glasses to my contacts, Jeff who likes my hair naturally done over any braids or extensions, Jeff who checks on me when he hears about a tornado touching down in Atlanta. Thoughts of Jeff keep me awake at night; I have to prep myself to contain my emotions whenever I speak with him; he's the only one that ever extends to my future.

I've tried to shake it off as the simple concerns of "what if," but I realized I don't care, I just want him.

And THAT is why.

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