Settling
I've got an issue: I'm an "all or nothing" kind of girl, the worst kind. If I want something, I get it. All by myself. I've pretty much made needing a man in my life moot. I'm at the point where I feel like a man can do nothing for me, so I'm not nice to them. I use men I'm ashamed to say. I use them for the one thing I can't do for myself and that's sex. I mentioned making men statistics, and it's true. Someone once said I acted like a guy the way I talked about and went after sex and they're right. I spoil myself, from Godiva chocolate to going home to getting my hair done. I know what I want and if I don't get it (a rarity, seriously), I either move on to the next or let it go cuz something else has caught my attention anyway. I've dated the flyest of shorties and have *cough* "conquered" the unconquerable just to say I did. I'm cute, I cook, I clean, I fix things, I bake, I take care of myself. I've got my own life, I'm not clingy, I'm considerate, smart as a whip, charming when I wanna be, funny and can drop an argument at the drop of a dime (thank YOU, A.D.D.). I'm just...awesome, a total catch if you ask me. But this isn't a blog to talk about how great I am, it's a blog to talk about settling. All of the above are contributing factors as to why I don't.
As a child, I was inquisitive. I asked questions, got into trouble trying to find out things on my own and drawing my own conclusions. At 15, I told my parents they could say what they wanted about whatever, but any and all final decisions were mine and whether or not I wanted to deal with the consequences. They pretty much let me rock after that and life's been my playground ever since. So about the settling. I want what I view to be the best and will settle for nothing less. Which is probably why I'm single. I'm not a shallow person, but I do have standards. And those standards are pretty high. One guy once said I made it sound like I was doing him a favor by speaking to him or being nice to him (one of those, I wasn't really listening) and I told him I was. It's hard to get in with me. From friendship to catchin' a whiff of the box, you get to that place cuz there's something I see in you that I want around me. I'm a control freak (I know, gasp) and no one is in my circle that isn't allowed. I say that because I can. I've caught my share of L's, trust. Chinara, Toni, Fabrice, Beckner, Norberto, Flaco, please, the list can go on. That's how I know where I stand and what I'm talking about.
I know it may sound cocky, but people have to hurt you to build your character. What's that saying, "never trust a person who has no enemies"? Life's not all sunshine and roses, ya gotta go through the rain sometimes. Anyway, I keep getting sidetracked, I REALLY have a point here.
In dating, is settling all right? And should that really be the word to use? Let's say you've got 10 standards and you meet a person whose got about 8 of the qualities you're lookin' for, would you date them or are they disqualified cuz they're lacking in 2 areas? Do we hinder ourselves looking for our version of perfection when knowingly, we could use some work? Just because someone's a little heavier than you want them to be, does that make them undateable in your book? Ever look at a couple and enviously ask yourself "how the hell did THAT happen?!?" If you answered yes, it may be time to do a little re-evaluation, as I plan to.
Lemme give you an example. I attract 2 kinds of guys: the tall, FLY guys that are either dumb as rocks or just not hubby buh material (affectionately called my playthings) and the short, not handsome/not ugly guys with bad fashion sense that I'd SERIOUSLY have to work with before having them meet my brother. Now, I get asked out by both types and the result is always the same. The tall guy date SUX (Shane, Andy and DHL, need I say more?) and I never follow through with the short guy (who I REALLY seem to connect with) cuz he's...short. I know, I may be letting my future husband slip through my fingers cuz I look down at (on) him, but I can't shake it. I find myself unable to commit cuz I hold out for a new plaything. Not to mention the MINUTE we argue, the first thing leaving my mouth is gonna be about his height. It's a sad and vicious cycle I can't shake. Until now.
I'm gonna go out on a date with some guy who asked me out last week. He's not ugly, pretty handsome in fact, he's just afflicted with the height and the fashion issues touched upon earlier. I'm gonna wait until I get back from NY and if he still wants a date, he'll get it. It's time for me to stop looking at the situation as settling and embracing it as a compromise. Enough with the pretty boys who act like assholes, it's time to give the shorties (literally) a chance. Look at me, growin' up!!
I can go on and on about me and my dating woes (the fact I need the man to be in control, this mouth of mine, my being too nice, my issues with meeting parents, my insatiable sex drive, my fear of intimacy, bl-bl-bluh) but I'm gonna spare you guys tonight and head to bed. I slow danced for the first time this past week and it was...interesting. Wasn't the Earth shattering experience I thought I was missing out on, not so much. But, I did it, so I can cross it off the list of things I wanted to experience before I died alone and bitter with my 12 cats. :-P
So today's word of the day is "compromise." It sounds better than "settling" and puts you in a different frame of mind...Just a thought, I like to babble...
As a child, I was inquisitive. I asked questions, got into trouble trying to find out things on my own and drawing my own conclusions. At 15, I told my parents they could say what they wanted about whatever, but any and all final decisions were mine and whether or not I wanted to deal with the consequences. They pretty much let me rock after that and life's been my playground ever since. So about the settling. I want what I view to be the best and will settle for nothing less. Which is probably why I'm single. I'm not a shallow person, but I do have standards. And those standards are pretty high. One guy once said I made it sound like I was doing him a favor by speaking to him or being nice to him (one of those, I wasn't really listening) and I told him I was. It's hard to get in with me. From friendship to catchin' a whiff of the box, you get to that place cuz there's something I see in you that I want around me. I'm a control freak (I know, gasp) and no one is in my circle that isn't allowed. I say that because I can. I've caught my share of L's, trust. Chinara, Toni, Fabrice, Beckner, Norberto, Flaco, please, the list can go on. That's how I know where I stand and what I'm talking about.
I know it may sound cocky, but people have to hurt you to build your character. What's that saying, "never trust a person who has no enemies"? Life's not all sunshine and roses, ya gotta go through the rain sometimes. Anyway, I keep getting sidetracked, I REALLY have a point here.
In dating, is settling all right? And should that really be the word to use? Let's say you've got 10 standards and you meet a person whose got about 8 of the qualities you're lookin' for, would you date them or are they disqualified cuz they're lacking in 2 areas? Do we hinder ourselves looking for our version of perfection when knowingly, we could use some work? Just because someone's a little heavier than you want them to be, does that make them undateable in your book? Ever look at a couple and enviously ask yourself "how the hell did THAT happen?!?" If you answered yes, it may be time to do a little re-evaluation, as I plan to.
Lemme give you an example. I attract 2 kinds of guys: the tall, FLY guys that are either dumb as rocks or just not hubby buh material (affectionately called my playthings) and the short, not handsome/not ugly guys with bad fashion sense that I'd SERIOUSLY have to work with before having them meet my brother. Now, I get asked out by both types and the result is always the same. The tall guy date SUX (Shane, Andy and DHL, need I say more?) and I never follow through with the short guy (who I REALLY seem to connect with) cuz he's...short. I know, I may be letting my future husband slip through my fingers cuz I look down at (on) him, but I can't shake it. I find myself unable to commit cuz I hold out for a new plaything. Not to mention the MINUTE we argue, the first thing leaving my mouth is gonna be about his height. It's a sad and vicious cycle I can't shake. Until now.
I'm gonna go out on a date with some guy who asked me out last week. He's not ugly, pretty handsome in fact, he's just afflicted with the height and the fashion issues touched upon earlier. I'm gonna wait until I get back from NY and if he still wants a date, he'll get it. It's time for me to stop looking at the situation as settling and embracing it as a compromise. Enough with the pretty boys who act like assholes, it's time to give the shorties (literally) a chance. Look at me, growin' up!!
I can go on and on about me and my dating woes (the fact I need the man to be in control, this mouth of mine, my being too nice, my issues with meeting parents, my insatiable sex drive, my fear of intimacy, bl-bl-bluh) but I'm gonna spare you guys tonight and head to bed. I slow danced for the first time this past week and it was...interesting. Wasn't the Earth shattering experience I thought I was missing out on, not so much. But, I did it, so I can cross it off the list of things I wanted to experience before I died alone and bitter with my 12 cats. :-P
So today's word of the day is "compromise." It sounds better than "settling" and puts you in a different frame of mind...Just a thought, I like to babble...
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