Gangsta & Gully

If there's one thing readers know about me, it's that the occurrences in my life are what I blog about. Someone steps on my toe, I'll blog about why stilettos should be outlawed in the state of Georgia. Someone yells something in the street, I'll blog about noise control. One of my friends pisses me off or says something really clever or idiotic, I blog it for eternal greatness in the cyber world. Interestingly enough, the things I blog are only PART of what's going on in my life. Trust me, if I blogged what I go through EVERYDAY, me being single would be extended a LOT longer. Not to mention, I really don't want ALL my business out on front street. Corey said to me once that I was an open book to what I wanted people to think I was an open book about. And he's right. That jackass is right, as friggin' always, dammit. Anyway...

So the point of today's blog is to kind of catch everyone up on what's been going on in my life the past few months. I'll break it down as so:

Domestic life

NY: Eh', good. My dad's got a girlfriend, a chick I NEVER plan to meet. Not even at his wedding. Sorry, I just can't (and won't) call a ho my stepmom. Grandma and Ronnie still live in the house, workin' my dad to death. He's been having some health issues, which stresses me out, but there's nothing I can do to make him stop. He says he'll sell the house to me, but I couldn't kick Grandma and Ronnie out. Guess what, it won't be my house, then, and I'm an all or nothing girl so no deal. He can keep the house and suffer or sell it and keep it movin'. He talks about selling it all the time so he can get a bigger house further upstate. I asked him why, he said cuz he had to and wasn't going to live in my childhood home with another woman (yeah, say it with me, "WOW"). He's paying his boo's bills, buying her jewelry, takin' out secret credit cards and cryin' broke every 2.3 seconds, I don't get it. Whatever...

ATL: Good. Chris and I are gettin' along famously, which is always a good thing. I really love my brother and look forward to seeing him grow into a great man. Things are good at home.

Professional Life

I quit my job. I just couldn't do it anymore. I came back to that office after being gone for over a week and just could NOT deal. I'm not an irresponsible person, so for me to decide I was done, took a lot. So I walked in, drafted my resignation letter, went home, slept on it, came in Wednesday and handed the letter over to my boss. Needless to say, he was shocked as well, but he thought it was a good decision too. He could tell how unhappy I was. So that was that, I left and headed out to temp agencies and restaurants looking for jobs. I'm working now, temping for a subsidiary of GoldKist as an admin. Can't complain, it's a job and it's paying, so I shut my mouth. Good company, though.

For those of you who may or may not know, I was cast for an up and coming TV show called SubUrban Underground. As sporadic as the tapings may be, they are going great!! I love every second of it and it's really the highlight of my life right now. When I go to tapings, it makes me feel like my dream may very well be attainable. It makes me smile and that's really all I need to keep me going. Nothing like being a step away from interviewing Jay-Z and Vin Diesel!! Wendy Williams better watch out, the JustTrina Radio Show may be kickin' into high gear sooner than you think!!

Love Life

All right, when my emotions are involved, I tend to skirt any issue of the heart. Not today. I feel like the only way I can move on and out from a situation is to lay it out, so here goes. (I'm thinkin' I'm gonna regret this, but) I'm in love with Corey (DAMN!! It's looks so REAL written down! But I do, and I'm all right with that). Yes, I love a man! I mean, having babies and living a life together love a man. I mean, being home on time and cooking dinner so my man can have fresh food to eat love a man. Sex in the kitchen love a man. Sex in the shower love a man. Quickie on the washing machine love a man. Make hors d'oeuvres for him and his friends to watch the game love a man. I'm talkin' drunk dialing love a man. Thinking about him and smiling for no reason love a man. I love him so much I regret it sometimes (and I NEVER regret things and if you've been in love, you know what I mean). That's enough, I'm not gonna rent a billboard out about it, so moving on.

I love this guy so much I'm never gonna tell him. You might be wondering why it's so easy to write it out there for all the world to see and I won't tell the man himself. That's easy, my heart's not on the line out here in cyber world. See, when you put yourself out there for someone, you run the risk of getting crushed. If it's just some random, rejection's not that bad. This may trace back to my whole fear of intimacy thing, but as far as this situation is concerned, it's something that cannot and will not be so there's no need to put myself (or him) in any uncomfortable position. Plus he's pretty much an asshole to me, I don't need that kinda turmoil in my life.

I just don't think I'm ready to be IN love. Being IN love takes a lot of energy. I'm too scattered to be IN love. But I can definitely use someone in my life that's just for me. I mean, a relationship right now would be AWESOME, but the whole SERIOUS love thing, I can wait for. But I definitely don't wanna be bored. I want some good companionship, great conversation, mind blowing sex and just enough space to call him and tell him I miss him. All rolled into one. The buddy and the booty, if you must. And I think that's what I've been holding out for. Sex is mindless and I can deal with that, but I think right now, I'm just looking for a little more.

So as far as Corey's concerned, it may take me a little while to mourn the loss of my nonexistent relationship, but once I shake it off, Atlanta needs to WATCH OUT!! With the show goin' the way it is, maybe I'll be able to fulfill my dream of marrying Vin Diesel and makin' pretty babies with nice eyes and good hair.

So there ya have it, I hope you enjoyed. I'm never ashamed of what I write in my blog and stand behind 150% of the crap I put here in my mental playground. Most of it could be verbalized, but that takes a little more time than writing it out. It's a part of the new JustTrina in '06, where the slogan is "Keepin' it gansta and gully for the rest of the decade."