Hard For Me to Say I'm Sorry...
If you go back into the archives that is this great blog, you'll notice a quote from a guy named Corey. Well, you'll notice many quotes from him but one of note is "the three hardest things for people to say." Those things were "I'm sorry," "I love you," and "I need help." Let's talk about one of those today and how the kid apparently just speaks to sound good.
"I'm sorry." Corey has not ONCE apologized to me for anything that he's done. Not for being a no-show, not for flat out lying, not for forgetting my birthday (YES, you read that right, he forgot MY BIRTHDAY), he's apologized for nothing. And I've accepted it. I was so blinded and so intrigued by his very ESSENCE that I let him get away with things that no one in their right mind (especially not ME) would let rock. I got caught up is what happened, I'll admit it. I was so "in love" and trying to do things different and be nice and giving him a million chances that I lost sight of what I really wanted and how I really got down. Until now.
For the past couple of weeks, I've been in a battle with myself over the fact that Corey is a liar. Not the "you don't look fat in those jeans" type of liar, the "it's not the truth so long as my mouth is moving"' type of liar. And it's pretty serious to me. Long story short, he's been lying about his age for the past year and is actually 20 years old as opposed to the legal drinking age. Now you may be saying to yourself that age is just a number, right? You're right, but when that age is ingrained in the very BASIS and FOUNDATION of your friendship and interaction with someone you've grown to love, that's no longer the case. Age is nothing but a number, but between me and Corey, age turned into one GREAT BIG lie. One that's changed a lot.
Now, the battle is simple: I still care about Corey. But Corey's a liar. Of all the things he could do, he chose the NUMBER ONE pet peeve I have. And there's the issue. I am trying SO HARD to be nice and continue our friendship but I don't trust a word he says. He could profess his undying love for me and where I once woulda been doing back flips, I'd now roll my eyes and say, "whateva nigga." I fight with myself everyday to not call him up and break up with him cuz I know his response of nonchalance is just gonna piss me off even more. Or hurt, cuz again, I do care about the jackass. I just can't deal and it's pissing me off. I try not to think about it, then something reminds me of him and triggers the words "he's a liar."
Thing is, I don't sense he's remorseful and you'd think he would be. If we're really friends and you care about your friends, you don't lie to them. And if you do, you apologize. Now for the other side of things: he got to me. I mean, hands down, under my skin, can't stop thinking about him and our (yeah, our) future got to me. So that makes it all the more difficult. I know people say not everything's black and white and that there are shades of gray, I know that. But when you look at it, things really are simple, people just want them to bseem difficult so they can weasel their way out of it.
Let's look at the situation had the old Trina come across the truth.
"Corey, how old are you?"
"21."
"You're lying, you're 20. Why are you lying?"
"I'm not lying, I told you how old I was."
"Okay then I want to see your license the next time I see you."
"Why?"
"Why would you have a problem showing me if you're as old as you say you are?"
"Well, I'm not showing you my license."
"Then you, are a liar, goodbye."
END SCENE.
See? Simple, to the point and guess what? True. After all the hemming and hawing Corey did when I asked him about his age, the bottom line is he was caught in a lie and the truth came to light. Now the old me woulda dropped him and kept it movin' but the new me is apparently having issues. It's pretty clean cut, no matter how many ways you chop it up. I think I wanna know one thing. No matter what his reasons were for lying, what was the big deal?
"I'm sorry." Corey has not ONCE apologized to me for anything that he's done. Not for being a no-show, not for flat out lying, not for forgetting my birthday (YES, you read that right, he forgot MY BIRTHDAY), he's apologized for nothing. And I've accepted it. I was so blinded and so intrigued by his very ESSENCE that I let him get away with things that no one in their right mind (especially not ME) would let rock. I got caught up is what happened, I'll admit it. I was so "in love" and trying to do things different and be nice and giving him a million chances that I lost sight of what I really wanted and how I really got down. Until now.
For the past couple of weeks, I've been in a battle with myself over the fact that Corey is a liar. Not the "you don't look fat in those jeans" type of liar, the "it's not the truth so long as my mouth is moving"' type of liar. And it's pretty serious to me. Long story short, he's been lying about his age for the past year and is actually 20 years old as opposed to the legal drinking age. Now you may be saying to yourself that age is just a number, right? You're right, but when that age is ingrained in the very BASIS and FOUNDATION of your friendship and interaction with someone you've grown to love, that's no longer the case. Age is nothing but a number, but between me and Corey, age turned into one GREAT BIG lie. One that's changed a lot.
Now, the battle is simple: I still care about Corey. But Corey's a liar. Of all the things he could do, he chose the NUMBER ONE pet peeve I have. And there's the issue. I am trying SO HARD to be nice and continue our friendship but I don't trust a word he says. He could profess his undying love for me and where I once woulda been doing back flips, I'd now roll my eyes and say, "whateva nigga." I fight with myself everyday to not call him up and break up with him cuz I know his response of nonchalance is just gonna piss me off even more. Or hurt, cuz again, I do care about the jackass. I just can't deal and it's pissing me off. I try not to think about it, then something reminds me of him and triggers the words "he's a liar."
Thing is, I don't sense he's remorseful and you'd think he would be. If we're really friends and you care about your friends, you don't lie to them. And if you do, you apologize. Now for the other side of things: he got to me. I mean, hands down, under my skin, can't stop thinking about him and our (yeah, our) future got to me. So that makes it all the more difficult. I know people say not everything's black and white and that there are shades of gray, I know that. But when you look at it, things really are simple, people just want them to bseem difficult so they can weasel their way out of it.
Let's look at the situation had the old Trina come across the truth.
"Corey, how old are you?"
"21."
"You're lying, you're 20. Why are you lying?"
"I'm not lying, I told you how old I was."
"Okay then I want to see your license the next time I see you."
"Why?"
"Why would you have a problem showing me if you're as old as you say you are?"
"Well, I'm not showing you my license."
"Then you, are a liar, goodbye."
END SCENE.
See? Simple, to the point and guess what? True. After all the hemming and hawing Corey did when I asked him about his age, the bottom line is he was caught in a lie and the truth came to light. Now the old me woulda dropped him and kept it movin' but the new me is apparently having issues. It's pretty clean cut, no matter how many ways you chop it up. I think I wanna know one thing. No matter what his reasons were for lying, what was the big deal?
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