Technical Difficulties
I am having some serious trouble, faithful readers. Long story short, Corey lied to me. Not a "you don't look fat in those jeans" white lie, a "not a word that has left my mouth for the past year has been the truth" lie. He lied about his age. Corey's 20. Yes, that's right, 20 years young and I am struggling not to break up with him. I'm a one-shot kinda girl, in case no one knew and this situation is just IRKING me.
The conflict is simple: I care about him. But he lied to me. As with many things I struggle with, I'm teetering on one edge or another. Either I get real angry about the situation or I just call myself an idiot and keep it movin'. To say I'm traumatized seems a little melodramatic but I honestly feel like I have no place to turn to on this one. I'm VERY concerned about this because one of my most valued friendships is hanging in the balance. I want to talk to him but I'm scared. Scared that he won't care and my feelings will be hurt in the process. Our friendship's not based on sweetness and emotion, it's basically comprised of a pissing contest EVERYDAY. I mean, we have nice conversations but they usually boil down to who can be the bigger dick (one HE usually wins, by the way, he's got that whole nonchalance act down PAT). So that being said, I'm just not prone to being very open and vulnerable (chick-like, as I've called it recently) when it comes to our interactions.
Which brings me to the fork in the road here. Either I a) suck it up and get over myself and continue things on as they were before, 2) I cut off all means of communication (and stop any residuals, drunk dials, sad calls, randoms texts, etc.) and hope over time my heart will mend or d) talk about it, let him know how I feel and hope we can move forward from there. I'm thinkin' option d but I've got some SERIOUS preparation to do. I have to be prepared for him not to care and tell me that it's my own issue to deal with and that I can either talk to him or not. I also have to be prepared for him to tell me to get over it, it was almost a month ago. I've ALSO got to be ready to have an actual conversation about the situation.
I must admit, I am a volatile young lady, I've cut people off for longer for less. I've also held onto people who've done me DIRTY. I just don't want any fakeness and we've gotta get past this. I don't want awkward conversations with spurts of anger shining through on occasion. There's a major trust issue goin' on, mainly because that's what he's wilded out on me about before. Then I don't wanna be a fool and forgive him, only to get hurt more seriously with a much bigger lie in the future. See what's going on? I know it's a risk I run, but damn it it's not something I feel like weighing.
So there it is, friends, readers, world. I don't know what to do in this situation and after today's conversation, I know something's gotta give. I once told my best friend that the theme song for me and Corey was "Unbreakable" by Alicia Keys (I may have blogged it, who knows at this point) and this is a nice little test to go through to see if it holds true. Stay tuned, cuz there's more to see...Through the technical difficulties.
The conflict is simple: I care about him. But he lied to me. As with many things I struggle with, I'm teetering on one edge or another. Either I get real angry about the situation or I just call myself an idiot and keep it movin'. To say I'm traumatized seems a little melodramatic but I honestly feel like I have no place to turn to on this one. I'm VERY concerned about this because one of my most valued friendships is hanging in the balance. I want to talk to him but I'm scared. Scared that he won't care and my feelings will be hurt in the process. Our friendship's not based on sweetness and emotion, it's basically comprised of a pissing contest EVERYDAY. I mean, we have nice conversations but they usually boil down to who can be the bigger dick (one HE usually wins, by the way, he's got that whole nonchalance act down PAT). So that being said, I'm just not prone to being very open and vulnerable (chick-like, as I've called it recently) when it comes to our interactions.
Which brings me to the fork in the road here. Either I a) suck it up and get over myself and continue things on as they were before, 2) I cut off all means of communication (and stop any residuals, drunk dials, sad calls, randoms texts, etc.) and hope over time my heart will mend or d) talk about it, let him know how I feel and hope we can move forward from there. I'm thinkin' option d but I've got some SERIOUS preparation to do. I have to be prepared for him not to care and tell me that it's my own issue to deal with and that I can either talk to him or not. I also have to be prepared for him to tell me to get over it, it was almost a month ago. I've ALSO got to be ready to have an actual conversation about the situation.
I must admit, I am a volatile young lady, I've cut people off for longer for less. I've also held onto people who've done me DIRTY. I just don't want any fakeness and we've gotta get past this. I don't want awkward conversations with spurts of anger shining through on occasion. There's a major trust issue goin' on, mainly because that's what he's wilded out on me about before. Then I don't wanna be a fool and forgive him, only to get hurt more seriously with a much bigger lie in the future. See what's going on? I know it's a risk I run, but damn it it's not something I feel like weighing.
So there it is, friends, readers, world. I don't know what to do in this situation and after today's conversation, I know something's gotta give. I once told my best friend that the theme song for me and Corey was "Unbreakable" by Alicia Keys (I may have blogged it, who knows at this point) and this is a nice little test to go through to see if it holds true. Stay tuned, cuz there's more to see...Through the technical difficulties.
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