Patience...A Virtue?
If you know me, you know that one of my key phrases is "Patience is a virtue." And, if you REALLY know me, you know I rarely follow my own advice. Which means when it comes to certain things, if I really want it, I don't wait for it, I make it happen. And usually, I get it. Cuz I do it myself. Sure, I ask other people for help, but usually, it gets taken care of by me. And I can say that that's one of the qualities my friends both love and hate about me. I've been told "You never ask for help!" or "Why do you bother asking me if you plan on doing it yourself?" It's not my goal when I ask for help to take care of it myself, things just fall into place and happen to end up that way. Anyway, that's how I am and I don't do it intentionally.
So the point of today's blog is to let everyone know that this morning, I decided that I was officially over Corey. And not the usual "I'm not getting enough attention so I'm shuttin' it down" over Corey, or the "he pissed me off with how much of an asshole he can really be" over Corey, this was real. And I was (of course) preparing to tell him so. Verbally, not through email or blogging. That's written evidence and I don't get down with evidence. Anyway, I was driving to work, speaking out loud, trying to make sure I had all my thoughts and my points in order so he didn't throw me off when I did speak to him when what happens? A song they NEVER play on XM Radio (not that I've ever heard) comes on. This song was "Infatuated" by Memphis Bleek, which happens to be Corey's ringtone. Talk about throwing me for a loop! Not to mention, I didn't have my daily 7:30 a.m. phone call with Wendy (she's got a boo now, Torey, we'll talk about that later), so I didn't have anyone to call and laugh with about the irony of the situation. So then, of course, I was gonna go into work and email Corey about the situation (cuz that's what I do), but I decided to take the time, listen to the song and try to figure out what it meant.
Was it a sign? A reminder to me that hell, if I felt the boy was worthy of my infatuation, maybe I should just fall back and stop trying to make things happen. Be patient. I'm always in control and he's one of the things I cannot, which may very well be a part of the appeal. Not to mention, he's funny as hell and smart as a whip, his flyness is just icing on the cake. Maybe it's just what I need, to be forced to wait, see how things turn out. Usually, I'd wild out, tell him how I was over him and he was never gonna get the draws, bl-bl-bluh, then send an apology email. Which probably pisses him off more than fixes anything.
I mean, I was at the point where I was gonna call him all types of jack ass and tell him not to insult my intelligence and be man and speak his mind. I was gonna take one of the blogs I wrote (Capable, I don't wanna talk about it anymore) and rip it apart, line by line.
It's like there's this alter ego that spent years rockin' at the surface. Men are stupid, I don't need them, all they wanna do it hit it and quit it, no matter what, they always disappoint you cuz they're men, bl-bl-bluh. And all those feelings and all that anger just stopped me from opening up. To anyone. And I still carry a bit of that with me, old habits die hard. But I was fine, life was going great, I was single and loving it. Sure I had a lonely day here or there, but I was good. Then I came into contact with this guy that was...different. And him being different made me wanna be different when it came to men. I smiled a little wider, made more eye contact, became more approachable, I guess. All cuz this kid took everything I dealt and actualyl questioned what I believed and presented his own theories. Most people don't bother, they chalk me up as a bitch and keep it movin'. But not him, cuz he apparently wanted the challenge. And he overcame, to a degree. Cuz now instead of all men, it's most men. :-P
But now the alter ego is PISSED and wants out again, I can feel it. It's what makes me curse at him cuz he just doesn't seem to understand how highly I regard him, how much I try to keep the old me at bay. I go from writing him off to appreciating his presence in my life in like, 2.3 seconds. I also go from wanting to tell him everything to shutting myself down cuz I don't want to appear that vulnerable, cuz I gotta remember who we each are. I know it sounds crazy, but that's the best analogy I can come up with. I don't have multiple personalities, guys, relax. I mean, I can't even say that Corey's the guy I'm supposed to be with, but he was the one who broke through and for that, I thank him. He's earned my loyalty and dedication, no matter what. All right, that's enough mushiness, moving on.
I'm gonna follow my own advice and wait. No matter what. Another thing about me is that I am fiercely loyal and once I decide I really like and want to be with someone, I'm good. At least until someone else sparks my interest. I'm not gonna be that psycho friend that will hate every girlfriend he has and constantly tell him how he needs to be with me, that's not a friend. And, besides being an awesome girlfriend, I'm an awesome friend (fact, not conceit).
It's such a rarity, that I know if someone can get to where Corey is, then there's something there. So I'm gonna wait. As CRAZY as it's gonna drive me, I'll wait. If nothing comes of it, it's still a lesson I needed to learn and I'll be proud once I overcome it. Maybe I needed to meet Corey so I could meet the man I'm supposed to be with. Everything happens for a reason. So I'm gonna wait. Patience is a virtue. Dammit.
So the point of today's blog is to let everyone know that this morning, I decided that I was officially over Corey. And not the usual "I'm not getting enough attention so I'm shuttin' it down" over Corey, or the "he pissed me off with how much of an asshole he can really be" over Corey, this was real. And I was (of course) preparing to tell him so. Verbally, not through email or blogging. That's written evidence and I don't get down with evidence. Anyway, I was driving to work, speaking out loud, trying to make sure I had all my thoughts and my points in order so he didn't throw me off when I did speak to him when what happens? A song they NEVER play on XM Radio (not that I've ever heard) comes on. This song was "Infatuated" by Memphis Bleek, which happens to be Corey's ringtone. Talk about throwing me for a loop! Not to mention, I didn't have my daily 7:30 a.m. phone call with Wendy (she's got a boo now, Torey, we'll talk about that later), so I didn't have anyone to call and laugh with about the irony of the situation. So then, of course, I was gonna go into work and email Corey about the situation (cuz that's what I do), but I decided to take the time, listen to the song and try to figure out what it meant.
Was it a sign? A reminder to me that hell, if I felt the boy was worthy of my infatuation, maybe I should just fall back and stop trying to make things happen. Be patient. I'm always in control and he's one of the things I cannot, which may very well be a part of the appeal. Not to mention, he's funny as hell and smart as a whip, his flyness is just icing on the cake. Maybe it's just what I need, to be forced to wait, see how things turn out. Usually, I'd wild out, tell him how I was over him and he was never gonna get the draws, bl-bl-bluh, then send an apology email. Which probably pisses him off more than fixes anything.
I mean, I was at the point where I was gonna call him all types of jack ass and tell him not to insult my intelligence and be man and speak his mind. I was gonna take one of the blogs I wrote (Capable, I don't wanna talk about it anymore) and rip it apart, line by line.
It's like there's this alter ego that spent years rockin' at the surface. Men are stupid, I don't need them, all they wanna do it hit it and quit it, no matter what, they always disappoint you cuz they're men, bl-bl-bluh. And all those feelings and all that anger just stopped me from opening up. To anyone. And I still carry a bit of that with me, old habits die hard. But I was fine, life was going great, I was single and loving it. Sure I had a lonely day here or there, but I was good. Then I came into contact with this guy that was...different. And him being different made me wanna be different when it came to men. I smiled a little wider, made more eye contact, became more approachable, I guess. All cuz this kid took everything I dealt and actualyl questioned what I believed and presented his own theories. Most people don't bother, they chalk me up as a bitch and keep it movin'. But not him, cuz he apparently wanted the challenge. And he overcame, to a degree. Cuz now instead of all men, it's most men. :-P
But now the alter ego is PISSED and wants out again, I can feel it. It's what makes me curse at him cuz he just doesn't seem to understand how highly I regard him, how much I try to keep the old me at bay. I go from writing him off to appreciating his presence in my life in like, 2.3 seconds. I also go from wanting to tell him everything to shutting myself down cuz I don't want to appear that vulnerable, cuz I gotta remember who we each are. I know it sounds crazy, but that's the best analogy I can come up with. I don't have multiple personalities, guys, relax. I mean, I can't even say that Corey's the guy I'm supposed to be with, but he was the one who broke through and for that, I thank him. He's earned my loyalty and dedication, no matter what. All right, that's enough mushiness, moving on.
I'm gonna follow my own advice and wait. No matter what. Another thing about me is that I am fiercely loyal and once I decide I really like and want to be with someone, I'm good. At least until someone else sparks my interest. I'm not gonna be that psycho friend that will hate every girlfriend he has and constantly tell him how he needs to be with me, that's not a friend. And, besides being an awesome girlfriend, I'm an awesome friend (fact, not conceit).
It's such a rarity, that I know if someone can get to where Corey is, then there's something there. So I'm gonna wait. As CRAZY as it's gonna drive me, I'll wait. If nothing comes of it, it's still a lesson I needed to learn and I'll be proud once I overcome it. Maybe I needed to meet Corey so I could meet the man I'm supposed to be with. Everything happens for a reason. So I'm gonna wait. Patience is a virtue. Dammit.
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