Just Another Manic Monday...
I'm exhausted. Emotionally, physically and mentally tired. And it's only the 3rd week of school. I already need a vacation. And not to NY, either, I need a REAL vacation.
I've got a new goal for my blog: I'm going to learn to post audio files. I've mastered links and pictures, now it's time to try and get my voice out there. I recorded some segments for the "JustTrina Radio Show" and would like to hear some thoughts and opinions. I've got a segment I did by myself and phone calls with my best friends. It was pretty cool, they didn't know they were being recorded, so the conversation was real, not staged.
Luckily, I have to go to my brother's room if I want to record anything so I can't say that if you call me, you run the risk of being recorded. At least not until I get my own set up in my room. I'm really trying to get my show off the ground and get a buzz so I can start sending my CD to radio stations. Soon, soon, soon, this star is on the rise.
I hate Mondays. It sucks for so many reasons. You reflect on your weekend and whether or not it was fun, productive, etc. If you're me, you're forced to work with people you know don't like or respect you for the next 5 days. It's just not a fun day, Monday.
In the true essence of blogging, I kinda have something to get off my chest. It happened, I need to be honest about it. I pissed Corey off (yet again) to the point where he says he's gonna be this alter ego he likes to claim as Dame Dash. Now, I think Corey's forgotten with whom he's dealing. I was being nice and told him that I missed him and even though we didn't really have much communication, I thought about him everyday and smiled. And it's true. We went from talking everyday for like, 2 1/2 months to basically nothing, so naturally, there's gonna be that feeling that something's missing. Whatever, that wasn't the bad part.
So then, I told him that he had characteristics from some of my exes (not all, which is a compliment in itself). Like, all in him. The others had only one, but he has them all. The point of me telling him that was really to figure out why I was so drawn to him. I was thinking aloud, if you really wanna get down to it, he didn't need to be involved. But that is a lesson learned. When talking about the current guy holding your attention, it might not be a good idea to tell him directly some of your innermost thoughts. That's what best friends are for. Noted.
So Corey got upset (well, he said he wasn't) and said that he no longer cared and was going to be the laid back, not-wasting-his breath-cuz-I-apparently-can't-grasp-that-he's-his-own-person-bl-bl-bluh Corey. I hate IM sometimes, cuz I realized I wasn't getting my point across the way I wanted to. So I broke it down and told him that I was trying to figure out why I couldn't shake him. Why I thought about him and only him. At work, in class, at the gym, in the shower, at lunch, anywhere. Everything that happens to me, I want to call and share with him. He just resides in my mind and that's just the way it is. Hell, I couldn't even appreciate a FOOTBALL GAME cuz I was zonin' thinkin' about him. I missed a lot of key plays, too, but that's neither here nor there. And I told him all that's going on and he hasn't done anything. Not saying he has to, either, it all had to do with me. Whatever.
Apparently feeling the need to reply, Corey pulls out the old "I'm focused on this, this and this bl-bl-bluh, I'm not looking for anything serious" speech. Now this was the point where I could've taken it and kept it movin', but my name is JustTrina, so let's be real. So I told him I didn't ask for all that and though his speech was very well worded, he wasn't telling me anything I didn't already know and that if I wanted to be his girlfriend, I would have said so a long time ago. I also told him that I wasn't keeping a candle in the window pining away for him. Which is true. But again, in IM, I came across as an asshole. And that was not my goal or my intention and I tried to explain further but dropped it cuz I could REALLY tell he had no desire to speak to me anymore. So I shut it down and watched the game (I'd already missed parts of another game over this).
I just feel like he misinterpreted everything I was saying and I had no real means to explain myself better. Just cuz I feel that way doesn't really mean anything. They're feelings and they change, cocksmoker. I'm not locking myself down as "Corey's girl," absolutely NOT. Hell, I eyefucked the shit out some guy at a bar Saturday night. Oh, THAT's a story, boy!! I was at American Pie gettin' ready to watch the Ohio State game against the Texas Longhorns when I met Danny, a pilot for American Southeast Airlines. Danny was CUTE. Danny was talking to me, asking me all types of questions and Danny was about to get it. I live about a mile and a half away from the bar and it was about to be on like popcorn. As I've said to Corey, I'm all about him, but until he's ready, I plan to play everyday. Anyway, I was gettin' into game mode (cat & mouse game, football was not on my mind at that point) when BAM! his f'n girlfriend comes to the bar. He was pissed, I was pissed, and it was game over. If the actual football game wasn't so good, I'd've gone home. The point being, just because I like you doesn't mean I'm closing myself off to the rest of the world. Nothing's guaranteed and to play myself with an invisible cloak of fidelity to a nonexistent relationship is an absolute joke, not to mention unfair and plain no fun at all. Anyway, Wendy and I have broken up with Corey (her words) and he's now only good enough to be a recipient for Airbooty 2005. Cuz NOW I can sleep with him and keep it movin'...
So where do we go from here? Hopefully, nowhere. I don't want any ackwardness or stupidity coming from him cuz I know there won't be any from me. To me, Corey's my friend, regardless of how I feel about him. Cuz they're my feelings, are real personal and he doesn't need to be involved in my issues. So I will continue to be his friend and be there for him to help in any way possible. If he feels the same, that's good. Besides, everyone comes into our lives for a reason and are just another resource that can be tapped when necessary. And I have no problem tapping THAT when necessary.
All right, reflection done. The weekend was AWESOME! Like I said, just another manic Monday.
I've got a new goal for my blog: I'm going to learn to post audio files. I've mastered links and pictures, now it's time to try and get my voice out there. I recorded some segments for the "JustTrina Radio Show" and would like to hear some thoughts and opinions. I've got a segment I did by myself and phone calls with my best friends. It was pretty cool, they didn't know they were being recorded, so the conversation was real, not staged.
Luckily, I have to go to my brother's room if I want to record anything so I can't say that if you call me, you run the risk of being recorded. At least not until I get my own set up in my room. I'm really trying to get my show off the ground and get a buzz so I can start sending my CD to radio stations. Soon, soon, soon, this star is on the rise.
I hate Mondays. It sucks for so many reasons. You reflect on your weekend and whether or not it was fun, productive, etc. If you're me, you're forced to work with people you know don't like or respect you for the next 5 days. It's just not a fun day, Monday.
In the true essence of blogging, I kinda have something to get off my chest. It happened, I need to be honest about it. I pissed Corey off (yet again) to the point where he says he's gonna be this alter ego he likes to claim as Dame Dash. Now, I think Corey's forgotten with whom he's dealing. I was being nice and told him that I missed him and even though we didn't really have much communication, I thought about him everyday and smiled. And it's true. We went from talking everyday for like, 2 1/2 months to basically nothing, so naturally, there's gonna be that feeling that something's missing. Whatever, that wasn't the bad part.
So then, I told him that he had characteristics from some of my exes (not all, which is a compliment in itself). Like, all in him. The others had only one, but he has them all. The point of me telling him that was really to figure out why I was so drawn to him. I was thinking aloud, if you really wanna get down to it, he didn't need to be involved. But that is a lesson learned. When talking about the current guy holding your attention, it might not be a good idea to tell him directly some of your innermost thoughts. That's what best friends are for. Noted.
So Corey got upset (well, he said he wasn't) and said that he no longer cared and was going to be the laid back, not-wasting-his breath-cuz-I-apparently-can't-grasp-that-he's-his-own-person-bl-bl-bluh Corey. I hate IM sometimes, cuz I realized I wasn't getting my point across the way I wanted to. So I broke it down and told him that I was trying to figure out why I couldn't shake him. Why I thought about him and only him. At work, in class, at the gym, in the shower, at lunch, anywhere. Everything that happens to me, I want to call and share with him. He just resides in my mind and that's just the way it is. Hell, I couldn't even appreciate a FOOTBALL GAME cuz I was zonin' thinkin' about him. I missed a lot of key plays, too, but that's neither here nor there. And I told him all that's going on and he hasn't done anything. Not saying he has to, either, it all had to do with me. Whatever.
Apparently feeling the need to reply, Corey pulls out the old "I'm focused on this, this and this bl-bl-bluh, I'm not looking for anything serious" speech. Now this was the point where I could've taken it and kept it movin', but my name is JustTrina, so let's be real. So I told him I didn't ask for all that and though his speech was very well worded, he wasn't telling me anything I didn't already know and that if I wanted to be his girlfriend, I would have said so a long time ago. I also told him that I wasn't keeping a candle in the window pining away for him. Which is true. But again, in IM, I came across as an asshole. And that was not my goal or my intention and I tried to explain further but dropped it cuz I could REALLY tell he had no desire to speak to me anymore. So I shut it down and watched the game (I'd already missed parts of another game over this).
I just feel like he misinterpreted everything I was saying and I had no real means to explain myself better. Just cuz I feel that way doesn't really mean anything. They're feelings and they change, cocksmoker. I'm not locking myself down as "Corey's girl," absolutely NOT. Hell, I eyefucked the shit out some guy at a bar Saturday night. Oh, THAT's a story, boy!! I was at American Pie gettin' ready to watch the Ohio State game against the Texas Longhorns when I met Danny, a pilot for American Southeast Airlines. Danny was CUTE. Danny was talking to me, asking me all types of questions and Danny was about to get it. I live about a mile and a half away from the bar and it was about to be on like popcorn. As I've said to Corey, I'm all about him, but until he's ready, I plan to play everyday. Anyway, I was gettin' into game mode (cat & mouse game, football was not on my mind at that point) when BAM! his f'n girlfriend comes to the bar. He was pissed, I was pissed, and it was game over. If the actual football game wasn't so good, I'd've gone home. The point being, just because I like you doesn't mean I'm closing myself off to the rest of the world. Nothing's guaranteed and to play myself with an invisible cloak of fidelity to a nonexistent relationship is an absolute joke, not to mention unfair and plain no fun at all. Anyway, Wendy and I have broken up with Corey (her words) and he's now only good enough to be a recipient for Airbooty 2005. Cuz NOW I can sleep with him and keep it movin'...
So where do we go from here? Hopefully, nowhere. I don't want any ackwardness or stupidity coming from him cuz I know there won't be any from me. To me, Corey's my friend, regardless of how I feel about him. Cuz they're my feelings, are real personal and he doesn't need to be involved in my issues. So I will continue to be his friend and be there for him to help in any way possible. If he feels the same, that's good. Besides, everyone comes into our lives for a reason and are just another resource that can be tapped when necessary. And I have no problem tapping THAT when necessary.
All right, reflection done. The weekend was AWESOME! Like I said, just another manic Monday.
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