Hallow's Eve

I love Halloween. Not as much as some fanatics, but I love the colors and the kids dressed up. I love that you get to be someone or something else for a day. It's fun.

So I'm back from NY, a trip that held many interesting surprises and upsets for me. First upset, on the ride home from the airport, my dad informed me that he was in fact dating the woman he'd cheated on my mom with. The same chick that gave my dad a birthday card before my mother was even cold in the ground tellng him their hearts could fix anything together. The same woman I caught him kissing when I was on a secret trip one day. The same woman who could've screwed my family up just cuz she wanted her man. The same woman I don't respect for the above reasons and more. She's not even fly (my mom was) and my dad is, so I don't know what he sees in her. She sweats him so he doesn't have to work, I guess. Either way, I'll never meet her cuz my mouth is SERIOUS and I will let it be known just what a vulture ass trick I think she is. She swarmed around for 15 years, waiting for my mom to die so she could get at my dad and that PISSES me off. All right, I'm moving on the to next story before I hit this computer screen.

Second upset, Wendy was sick and tried to pawn me off on her cousin Earnest (she once wanted us to date, don't know what happened to that) for the Jay-Z concert. All unbeknownst to me, of course. Earnest had something to do, so she tried to pawn me off on to my hetero life mate, who was already upset that she wasn't going (well, that she wasn't invited) (a little side note here: Wendy is my best friend, so when I bought the tickets, she was the first one I called. Why? Cuz a) she's my BEST FRIEND, 2) I knew she'd appreciate and share in my excitement for Jigga (ask her about the Blueprint and how she survived Philly because of it) and d) I WANTED to go with her (I mean, c'mon, do you KNOW how many people I could've asked?!?) cuz we always have an adventure. So Daphnie's upset about that and I'm sorry, but suck it up, boo. You're my homey, hell yes, but my first thought was Wendy and I went with it). So needless to say, I was ready to hang up the tickets and give them away to someone since Wendy couldn't make it and I couldn't think of anyone fun to go with (yeah, drivin' to grab Corey DID cross my mind, and I'm a hood chick like that, but you gotta think of the message something like that sends). So, I was just about to hang it up when Wendy said she was rollin'. YAY!!

So of course we got lost on the way to Continental Airlines Arena and ended up in Paterson. SOUTH Paterson. HOOD. Everyone I asked for directions spent more time trying to holler at me than sending me the right way. I was getting SO pissed and was ready to hang it up (again) when I pulled over and got correct directions from someone, finally. And we made it before the concert started. And the concert was AWESOME, lemme tell ya. I didn't think I could become any more of a Jay-Z fan, but that night I did. From start to finish, Powerhouse 2005 was a star studded, jam-packed, Beyonce free affair. I loved every second of it and was SO happy we went.

Ricardo was also in town, which tickled me pink. I was on best friend overload this weekend! We hung out, but only for a little bit cuz my mind was elsewhere and he wasn't getting the attention he deserved. I last left him Friday watching the basketball game with Jeff. We all know about Jeff, how I used to like him and thought it was love but realized it wasn't cuz he was emotionally unavailable and I really just loved him cuz he was safe and not a challenge and bl-bl-bluh (and if you didn't know, now you do). But Jeff's my homey. I love him and would be there for him the same way (just not as direct) I would for Ricardo or Martini. Well, Jeff can't deal with that so he goes out of his way to either ignore me or be VERY rude whenever he gets the chance. All I do is ignore him or call his bluff when he tries, neither of which I think he can deal with. Don't know why I pointed that out, moving on. Ricardo's probably mad at me cuz I think I was supposed to help him lock down a j-u-m-p and I disappeared on him. Ah well, I'm sure he'll get over it.

My dad also tried to come at me with some nonsense about me loving my mom's side of the family more than his. Which is true, but he's got the reason twisted. I LOVE my family, both sides, and I would put it down for ANY ONE of them if it came down to it. That's what family does. I know there are bums, losers and users, but they're still my fam. So he pissed me off about that. Not because of what he was saying, but because I feel like he thinks I owe them something for accepting me even though I'm not blood. Like I OWE them my love or something. Not the case. I love them because they're them, not for what they've done for me or how they've taken me in. See, my dad's side is more materialistic (what have you got, what are you doing, how much do you make, how much you plan on giving me, etc.) whereas my mom's side is more demonstrative (calls everyday, unconditional love, etc.). It's the little things, I guess, and I can tell the difference behind the gestures. Whatever, my dad just pissed me off all this weekend.

I went to my mom's grave this weekend, too, her birthday would have been yesterday. I just can't help but be sad whenever I think about her and how she's just not here anymore. I keep thinking that one day, it'll be easier, but it's not. I mean, some days are better than others, but I find myself SO SAD sometimes. I can't help but wish I could just give her a call, tell her what's going on in my life, have her give me advice and me tell her it was retarded. I couldn't even sleep in her room this time around, I slept in my old room. I remembered days when I would just lie with her and she'd play with my hair and we'd talk until one of us fell asleep (which was always me). I don't have that anymore and it was prevelant this past weekend. While fighting with my dad, I thought about how much she played the peacekeeper and how different things would be were she still around. I may not be so much of a bitch, I may keep my mouth shut, who knows. Aww, I'm sad now... (:-/

All in all, I had a GREAT weekend and would do it all over again (but rent a car for more freedom of movement). Hope all is well, I missed blogging these past few days! I was planning on taking a trip this weekend, but it looks like ya girl's gonna be building a house with USHER. That's USHER, the mega-fly mega-millionaire R&B singer, I'll say it again. We're building a house for charity and yours truly has been placed on his team. And we're going to dinner Thursday night. I've got some thinking to do, some options to weigh...SERIOUSLY. Cuz the trip would be for me, doing Usher would be more of a networking thing, y'know? But it may serve 2 purposes and I'm all about multitasking. Decisions, decisions....

Be careful out there and don't eat too much candy, you'll ruin your dinner. HAPPY HALLOW'S EVE!! :-D