What's So Different
I was talking to my cousin Debbie (the Princess) about dating last night when we ended up arguing about cultural differences. We're both Haitian, but I was raised Black American (that term itself is from the Haitian culture) whereas as she was raised with the culture deeply imbedded. I can honestly say I started "learning" how to be Haitian when I was 17. My friends all knew I was Haitian, but also knew I was basically in a Southern family. It's a long story, but I was kept as far away from anything Haitian as long as my mother could help it. That's just a little background, on to the argument.
Now, Debbie and I are like night and day when it comes to men. She's not the sharpest tool in the shed and I cut someone before they get to use me. We're not only like that with men, we're liek that all around. I'm bookish, she's artistic. I'm witty, she gigles a lot. She's got numbers locked, I'd rather write a story. We're just...opposites. And it's just the two of us with a bunch of guys, so we're more like sisters and best friends than cousins. Which probably explains why we get along SO well. I don't think there could be two of either of us, to be honest with you. I've digressed again, sorry.
So, the argument. Debbie's talking (can't say dating cuz she hasn't been on a date with him yet) this guy I like to call "The Prophet" (believe you me, many a day have I wanted to blog "The Princess and the Prophet," it's such a catchy title! But I'm getting sidetracked again). They've been at it for a few weeks now (few meaning about 3) and yesterday, he told her that he had a date. The Prophet has told the Princess before that he doesn't want to be locked down becuase he just got out of a 10 year relationship ("I dated a demon for 10 years," verbatim) and Debbie apparently seemed fine with it. Until she realized he was actually dating other people. When she told me that he had a date, it didn't phase me because I was under the impression that things weren't that serious. So here's how the conversation went:
"Trina, I can't believe he's got a date. Ya boy's real."
"Deb, how's he real? He told you he didn't want to be locked down."
"Yeah but I thought he just said that so I didn't get too attached. I didn't know it meant he'd see someone else."
"Are you f'n kidding me? He was shut down for 10 years. That's a DECADE, Debbie. It's only been a year, let the boy play for a bit, geez."
(Totally out of the blue) "That's a Black American thing."
"Now you're just being retarded, that is NOT a Black American thing, it's a man thing. Just cuz you sweat him doesn't mean he wants to be exclusive . He TOLD you. Why the shock and awe? I mean, me may very well know you two are gonna end up together and just isn't ready to give up his freedom. My point is, he has the right to date who he wants. If you've got a problem with that, then you can either bring it to his attention but know you run the risk of deading what you've got or let it rock and see how things turn out. You can't blame his culture for that." (funny thing about me, I can give the best advice, so long as i'm not in the mix)
"No, Trina, when Haitian men date, they only go out with you."
"You're right Deb, they just until you're actually together to start cheating. Look, the whole concept of dating is to FIND the right person for you. You can't do that if you're in a relationship, it kind of defeats the purpose."Now, Debbie and I are like night and day when it comes to men. She's not the sharpest tool in the shed and I cut someone before they get to use me. We're not only like that with men, we're liek that all around. I'm bookish, she's artistic. I'm witty, she gigles a lot. She's got numbers locked, I'd rather write a story. We're just...opposites. And it's just the two of us with a bunch of guys, so we're more like sisters and best friends than cousins. Which probably explains why we get along SO well. I don't think there could be two of either of us, to be honest with you. I've digressed again, sorry.
So, the argument. Debbie's talking (can't say dating cuz she hasn't been on a date with him yet) this guy I like to call "The Prophet" (believe you me, many a day have I wanted to blog "The Princess and the Prophet," it's such a catchy title! But I'm getting sidetracked again). They've been at it for a few weeks now (few meaning about 3) and yesterday, he told her that he had a date. The Prophet has told the Princess before that he doesn't want to be locked down becuase he just got out of a 10 year relationship ("I dated a demon for 10 years," verbatim) and Debbie apparently seemed fine with it. Until she realized he was actually dating other people. When she told me that he had a date, it didn't phase me because I was under the impression that things weren't that serious. So here's how the conversation went:
"Trina, I can't believe he's got a date. Ya boy's real."
"Deb, how's he real? He told you he didn't want to be locked down."
"Yeah but I thought he just said that so I didn't get too attached. I didn't know it meant he'd see someone else."
"Are you f'n kidding me? He was shut down for 10 years. That's a DECADE, Debbie. It's only been a year, let the boy play for a bit, geez."
(Totally out of the blue) "That's a Black American thing."
"Now you're just being retarded, that is NOT a Black American thing, it's a man thing. Just cuz you sweat him doesn't mean he wants to be exclusive . He TOLD you. Why the shock and awe? I mean, me may very well know you two are gonna end up together and just isn't ready to give up his freedom. My point is, he has the right to date who he wants. If you've got a problem with that, then you can either bring it to his attention but know you run the risk of deading what you've got or let it rock and see how things turn out. You can't blame his culture for that." (funny thing about me, I can give the best advice, so long as i'm not in the mix)
"No, Trina, when Haitian men date, they only go out with you."
"I really like him."
"And I'm sure he likes you, Princess. And whoever else he's dating." (Yeah, I've got this issue, when I think something's gonna make me laugh, I say it out loud in hopes others join in. But I really don't care if they do...)
Of course it escalated from there and I ended up talking to a dial tone, but my question is: Does culture really play a significant role in "dating"? What should it matter? That's like saying a Pakistani dude would never date a black girl cuz they're too angry and independent. Not the case, I know a couple with exactly that combination. The only big factors I see in the whole dating thing is sex; men and women. You know, the whole Mars/Venus issue. Why add more stress and strife to a situation by tossing culture into the mix? Love is love and last I checked, it doesn't bother checking who you are and where you're from. The only other thing I could think of would be age. But then look at Ashton and Demi...
I don't know, it just rubbed me the wrong way cuz coming from my cousin, it rang ignorant. I like to call my cousin a lot of things and ignorant isn't one of them. If there are any other thoughts or comments, please feel free to chime in. Black, white, American, French, English, man or woman. What determines how and who we are in love besides what we see and our personal history?
Just trying to figure out what's so different...
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