Smashed

All right, Friday is the "J.D. Power Rank Celebration Party" for my job. And, according to the Big Man (my boss), we're all attending. Which means I'll be working for about an hour and a half, sitting in a meeting til noon, then drinking until about 5 p.m. On a Friday. Open bar, with drink tickets flowing freely.

Now let me explain the last office party I attended. It was back in April and went from 2-5 with free liquor. I was smashed. Inexplicably so. I don't remember much, but I do remember someone driving me home in my own car, performing "Proud Mary", tackling my brother's friend Terron, singing to my cousin and telling my aunt I was drunk and couldn't come visit her. What's worse, all that happened before 6 p.m. I fell asleep and woke up at 9 swearing off liquor for a while. Though I stick with my belief that I do nothing drunk that I wouldn't sober, that was one for the record books.

Well, the plan this time around is to get drunk again, but not to drive, have Kristy head on out there so I don't have to worry about anyone else in my hotness. I'm also turning my phone off and putting up my "drunk" away message so people know what to expect if they start to chat with me.

I rarely get so drunk I'm outta control cuz I have no place to go besides home and that's no fun. But this weekend, I'mma work it out, cuz I've got SERIOUS plans on gettin' smashed.

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