Newsflash: Women Get Blue Balls, Too

First, let me just tell you guys that before 7:30 this morning, my blog has changed three times. First up was me talking about how I'll probably always be single cuz I don't stroke egos. Then came the idea of how tepid my sex life is and how sad it is that I have to live vicariously through my friend who was getting a pre-breakfast treat this morning. That brought me to the topic of this blog.

My friend didn't get buns this morning. She was shaved, primped and about to get in her car when she got the call. Let me explain, she GOT UP at 6:30 (technically, I woke her up cuz I called to tell her I was jealous and wanted her to bumflick it once for me), got ready (dressed in "easy access" clothes), stretched and planned for a good time only to be told she couldn't come. (side note: I have my own thoughts about the situation that I'm gonna share. They have nothing to do with today's blog, it's just a little of my insight on the sitch*. He told her she couldn't come to his house because his mom decided to stay home from work. My fantastical brain figured his booty call from the night before hadn't left in time for him to get cleaned up and recharged for a round with my homegirl...but that's just my take on it) (*sitch = situation)

Needless to say, she called me up very upset, rehashing all the events that led up to the rejection and I jokingly said, "That's like blue balls for women," which made her even more upset, but got a chuckle. So I co-miserated with her for a few minutes on my drive to work as I formulated this blog in my head. That's how blogs are born, people, I say things for my own amusement and sometimes they stick, so I figure out how to write about it in case anyone else is interested or cares. Ya girl was just SO UPSET, I had to document it.

For guys, blue balls are evident and sometimes painful. They get rock hard and expect a release. When that release doesn't come, they lose all semblance of sense because there is no blood in their brains, it's been allocated (ahem) elsewhere. This results in arguments, name calling and all out aggression toward the source of the frustration. Men don't deal with sexual frustration very well (all right, no generalizing, most men) and either find a new source to get that release, take a cold shower, work out or rub one out.

For women, blue balls is mental and physical. There is a lot of preparation for a woman when it comes to sex. All guys have to do is make sure their balls don't stink in case there's a possibility of getting head. Women have to:
a) shave;
b) make sure they're fresh;
c) make sure the vajayjay looks presentable (and enticing);
d) make sure the hair is presentable;
e) make-up is tight (I don't wear any, but we're talking about normal women);
f) make sure clothes (and vicky's (there's no other brand)) are on point;
g) if hosting the event, make sure the house is presentable and the bed is comfy and inviting; and
h) make sure the soundtrack is RIGHT.

Granted, half the things listed are for ourselves, but we want to look good for you, so be happy. Women, besides their complexities, are really basic creatures. We want to feel comfortable and confident. If we can get the small things out of the way, all we need to focus on is the sex. If there's nothing to distract us from that, imagine the possibilities!! (again, this is normal women, not me...cuz I'm all about the buns, damn if you think my comforter matches my pillows)

Point is, when women go through all this tomfoolery, a payoff is expected. Like men, when that doesn't come, there is ample frustration. Most women call all their friends and tell them about it while others dive into work and other activities. Some do double-click the mouse, but that depends on the female. They also curse, scream and try to find a replacement, but some are too particular to just hop on the next in line.

So there you have it, that's my take on women and sexual frustration. If you come home one day and the house has been rearranged and there's dinner on the table, know you're getting lucky that night. And you'd better make it good. Don't frustrate us, we won't frustrate you. If you didn't know, now you know: women get blue balls, too.