Papa Don't Preach

Ever notice when someone's about to say something screwed up, they start with a disclaimer? It's usually something along the lines of "don't get me wrong, but," or, "I'm not trying to be a jerk but," and they follow it up with quite possibly the cruelest statement you've ever heard.


That being said, let me let you all know that I love my dad. But he's a dick. And I've told him as much. Now just 'cuz my dad's a dick doesn't mean I don't love him dearly. Anyway, the reason I say he's a dick is because every time I tell come home, there's some sort of drama. At Kevin and Shirley's wedding, I was looking fly (everyone said so) but my dad didn't say I looked nice. I don't look for validation from him and didn't think about it until the following conversation with him the next morning:

JustTrina: Daddy, my whole body hurts, man!
G-Money: From what?
JT: Dancing all night! I didn't get off the dance floor once I got on, sheesh!
GM: Well, you haven't been going to the gym recently.
JT: Wow, Daddy, wow. Thanks for that, I'm gonna go kill myself now.

Now, my dad's always had issues with weight. I guess he thinks skinny people are happy people, who knows. He's not a bad looking character himself and is in phenomenal shape for a 49-year-old. I'm not bad, either, but I could hit the gym harder than I have, I'll admit. So could my brother. That's not the point, the point here is that my father's girlfriend is FAT. Not pretty, hot and tempting, but f-a-t. She's not remotely good looking and I just don't get how she dates a man who's idea of quality time with his children is taking them to the gym. People are surprised I'm not bulimic or a house because of it. I relayed this story to Wendy at the station (Adam still hates me...I'm not taking it personally, though, he's pretty scattered) and she told me I was beautiful the way I was and that she would be my father from here on out. I love Wendy. That's just one part of my wonderful trip home.

Then, my dad started in on how he's going to be moving to Mobile, Alabama with said fat cow girlfriend. Now I don't care what my father does, so long as he's happy, I just don't like his life to be imposed upon me. When he told me about Mobile, I smiled and told him I was happy. I told him that I was happy that I didn't have to worry about finding a place to bury his girlfriend's body. I thought it was funny. Him, not so much. He must apparently really love this chick cuz he even joked about marrying her. Point here is, he's always got something bad to say about the guys I've dated. I've dated some dicks, yes, but none of them were losers by any standards.

I just don't understand what makes my dad think he's an authority on everything that's wrong with the world when his sphere ain't turnin' properly itself. It makes him look hypocritical and that's wack to me. Maybe I've got daddy issues, that's why I'm still single. Maybe I just don't think he's got a leg to stand on for anything, who knows.

All I know is, whenever he speaks to me I imagine Madonna singing "Papa Don't Preach."

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