Tony Danza

Why is it that when I'm interested in a guy, he's a complete dick but when I'm not interested, he's the sweetest thing to walk the Earth? Last night I met (or was followed by, depends on the perception) a young security guard at Phipps Plaza. I was there to see the premiere of School for Scoundrels (which was a good watch, by the way...and I find myself ODDLY attracted to John Heder...maybe I'm in heat) and Peter must've felt I need company. From parking underground to the movie theater, Peter followed me and wouldn't shut up. Now I'm not rude and don't need to be convinced to have a conversation, so I spoke to him while we rode up. I knew I was in trouble when he said, "Oh man, I wasn't even supposed to come up here," meaning he was so enthralled by my presence, he forgot to do his job. Realizing that, I went into deflection mode and turned whatever charm I had going on, off and sent him on his way.

Waiting to be let into the premiere, I occupied myself with text messages and checking my e-mail. I looked up and accidentally made eye contact with Peter, whom I was under the impression had gone back downstairs to work. Back in defelection mode, I made to call my homegirl Veronica but was slow on the draw and Peter came to talk to me again. A little better prepared, I changed all my body lanuguage to indicate disinterest. Apparently body language isn't something Peter's too keen on. I had my back to him, stared down at the fountain and didn't make eye contact and kept looking at my phone. I even told him I was waiting for my friend Shawn and mentioned other male friends to throw off the scent. Nothing. Peter stayed and talked to me and finally asked me out. He gave me his number and made me dial it while he was standing there so it would get saved in his phone. I can only pray it didn't show up. I even left a dickhead voicemail (minus my number, of course) hoping he'd hate me and move on with his life. When he left, I immediately removed his number from my phone and called Veronica while I waited for Shawn. How I could have forgotten to tell him I had a boyfriend evades me still, but that's my story if he does bother to call. Hopefully he reflected on our encounter and realized I wanted nothing to do with him.

Speaking of nothing to do with, I (shamefully) called a guy last night. And I don't know why. Yes I do. I called cuz I needed closure, which I didn't get. I was instead hit with the infamous "I'll call you back" line. Now when anyone tells you they'll call you back, you can pretty much bank on not hearing from them for a few days. I'm all right with that and I semi-prepared for it, but it left me unsatisfied and irritated. Those emotions coupled with what I thought was the "why is this girl even calling me" vibe made for a slight rant to my empty room followed by sleep. The rant wasn't so much directed at the young man, but at myself for so many different things. I have a (ahem) slight control issue and like things to be on my own terms. I just wanted to make sure the lack of phone calls had nothing to do with me and to let him know that I understood he was busy and he could give me a call whenever. I'm an idiot, but getting that out would've made me feel ten times better.

So there's no closure and I thought I'd be unable to close the mental file. But this morning in the shower, I was able to compose a break up e-mail and/or blog. I was going to explain how he didn't understand that I don't call people and was taking a chance on him, how when I called my brain went completely blank cuz I wasn't expecting an answer, how I choked cuz I immediately felt like I was bothering him (and didn't want to be "that girl"), how I wished him luck and blessings in life and would have liked to get to know him (but was saddened that that ship had sailed)...so much. Anyway, I took his number out of my phone and think I can move on. Once I do that, it's usually pretty easy. I'm gonna by in NY with the family so there won't be much time for my thoughts to stray where I don't need them right now. And I'm gonna fight the "what if" demons cuz I'd rather be disinterested and blissfully single than interested and tortured by an empty missed call log. So I'm back.

Oh, thoughts and prayers to the Simmons family, the loss of their child could not have been easy.

There's a joke in this blog and if you didn't get it, you OBVIOUSLY never watched Tony Danza.