Not a Quitter
So here's the deal, I'm thinkin' about goin' back up to NY. Like, for life. I mean, I love Atlanta and would love to stay, but my brother (aka my child) is just not making that easy. He's become a financial liability to me and I just cannot support him anymore. I'm not his mother. I'm all about taking care of him, but he is NOT my son. I have no children.
I feel like moving back home, as much as I'd hate it, would give him the motivation he needed to get his ass in gear. Plus, it may be a good thing for him. Hell, it may be a good thing for the both of us. I just have to get over myself and convince myself that I'm not a quitter. Cuz that's how I feel. Like I couldn't hack it out here and have to run home to Daddy. On the other hand, I also know that that's not the case. I can hack it, I'm an adult and I've been on my own before. It's my brother's fault. I've just got to make him see the light.
I don't know, I just feel SO alone in all this. And who do I call to talk about this? Wendy and Corey. Wendy was sweet, telling me everybody goes through this and I just needed to be strong and Corey was good, too, kept the smart ass in check. I'm sure they could tell the seriousness of the matter because I don't turn to anyone for help. I just don't, I take care of what I gotta take care of. If it's emotional, I suck it up and deal on my own. I'm a soldier, I'm not afforded the luxury of emotional breakdowns, I don't have time for it. I usually handle the situation at hand, make a decision and keep it movin'.
Which brings me to the NY decision. Right now, I'm 85% sure that that is what I'm going to do. I'm gonna pack up my clothes, my TV and my computer in the TB and drive on up. I'll sell everything else. The couches, the bed, the extra TV, everything. Then I'll have some starter money for NY cuz I probably won't get a job for a bit. Hell, I'll work in the damn mall if need be.
Moving back's not really the issue, it's my own damn brain. I feel like an f'n loser. Like this was a test that I failed. But then again, all this drama may be a test to see if I can swallow my pride and move back home. Who the hell knows. Honestly, I may not even move back home, I'd look into moving to BK, Wendy's cousin's apartment. Like I said, maybe this is a good thing, everything happens for a reason, right? As much as I love Atlanta, maybe I need to head back to the homeland to branch out on my own. Hell, I may even hit it off and get my radio show up and running. If I can make it there, I can make it anywhere, right? Gotta love NY.
Well, all this is just what's going through my mind, either way I know I'll be all right. As long as I keep my eyes on the prize and choose not to get caught in the trap that is Rockland, I should be fine. I will of course let you all know how it works out.
I feel like moving back home, as much as I'd hate it, would give him the motivation he needed to get his ass in gear. Plus, it may be a good thing for him. Hell, it may be a good thing for the both of us. I just have to get over myself and convince myself that I'm not a quitter. Cuz that's how I feel. Like I couldn't hack it out here and have to run home to Daddy. On the other hand, I also know that that's not the case. I can hack it, I'm an adult and I've been on my own before. It's my brother's fault. I've just got to make him see the light.
I don't know, I just feel SO alone in all this. And who do I call to talk about this? Wendy and Corey. Wendy was sweet, telling me everybody goes through this and I just needed to be strong and Corey was good, too, kept the smart ass in check. I'm sure they could tell the seriousness of the matter because I don't turn to anyone for help. I just don't, I take care of what I gotta take care of. If it's emotional, I suck it up and deal on my own. I'm a soldier, I'm not afforded the luxury of emotional breakdowns, I don't have time for it. I usually handle the situation at hand, make a decision and keep it movin'.
Which brings me to the NY decision. Right now, I'm 85% sure that that is what I'm going to do. I'm gonna pack up my clothes, my TV and my computer in the TB and drive on up. I'll sell everything else. The couches, the bed, the extra TV, everything. Then I'll have some starter money for NY cuz I probably won't get a job for a bit. Hell, I'll work in the damn mall if need be.
Moving back's not really the issue, it's my own damn brain. I feel like an f'n loser. Like this was a test that I failed. But then again, all this drama may be a test to see if I can swallow my pride and move back home. Who the hell knows. Honestly, I may not even move back home, I'd look into moving to BK, Wendy's cousin's apartment. Like I said, maybe this is a good thing, everything happens for a reason, right? As much as I love Atlanta, maybe I need to head back to the homeland to branch out on my own. Hell, I may even hit it off and get my radio show up and running. If I can make it there, I can make it anywhere, right? Gotta love NY.
Well, all this is just what's going through my mind, either way I know I'll be all right. As long as I keep my eyes on the prize and choose not to get caught in the trap that is Rockland, I should be fine. I will of course let you all know how it works out.
I wanna thank my wonderful friends, Wendy and Corey, for putting up with my emotional wackness, cuz I shouldn't've subjected them to that. For that I apologize. You guys rock and yes, you're BOTH AWESOME!!
I just gotta convince myself that I'm not a quitter, cuz that's TOTALLY ME, no matter what others say...
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