"JustTrina"

Today seems like "one of those posts," so apologies in advance. I've been struggling with walking pneumonia the past 2 two weeks, with a regular cold two weeks before that. I say that to say I have a pretty amazing support system in my brother and BFF , who have been by my side making sure I don't do too much, making sickness worse. None of that is the point for today, resting just makes me think, so THANK YOU to them and on to the post!! Today, we discuss the struggle of dating that is my life and the general incapability of friendships with people of the opposite sex to develop for whatever reason.  Sometimes, I feel perpetually single and the wont of companionship pokes at my brain until I fill it with chocolate or something. My friends see and hear me sing my heart out to love songs, but I am a legit savage in these streets. Do not be mistaken: I like men. I was raised with boy cousins, and the insight I gained has been both life ruining and saving....

Hey guys...With all things in life, I let what pays the bills get in the way of my dreams. Day in and out, I dragged myself to a place that brought me no joy to collect a meager check because it was something I was good at. Today I say "no more," and take my power back. This isn't meant to be some polarizing post about cogs and office jobs; it's not now, nor will it ever be something from that place. So here goes! Many may have heard me say "there's your dream, and then there's what pays the bills." I've always been a huge proponent of living your best life, something I got away from. I thought working to attain and maintain things like a home, car, and groceries to the detriment of my mental and physical health was just what adults did. Do not misconstrue, I am happy; I'm just not content, and that is where the discord comes in. I know there is more to life and #adulting does not have to be miserable. I have traveled the world, ...

Sometimes I imagine pulling around the corner see your car, either waiting to take me out or just surprising me with a hangout. Sometimes I imagine you leave something on my doorstep, something I mentioned in passing. Sometimes I imagine you ring my bell and kiss me passionately when I answer...they can’t all be movie kisses, but every now and again it works. Sometimes I imagine getting off work and see you waiting outside. Sometimes I imagine you give me time; unadulterated, to do with as I please. Sometimes it’s spent in silence, others it’s the question game. Sometimes I imagine looking at you from across a room, our connection completely missed by everyone else, but palpable between us. Sometimes I imagine you let me tell you everything, every thought that comes to mind; all without judgment or fear of loss. Sometimes I imagine that my heart swells when you make eye contact with me and smile. Sometimes I imagine you just want to be around me cuz no matter w...

You know, I've been looking for an outlet to deal with all these emotions when I remembered my blog. Actually, I never forgot about it, I just tried coping on my own. Then I had the epiphany that led me to write again: If I died, no one would care. This isn't some "woe is me" kind of blog, it's a matter-of-fact realization that I am about to back up with facts. Maybe stating no one would care seems a little extreme, but it is what it is. Yes, my father would be sad and of COURSE my brother would be devastated. So maybe I retract and state that none of my friends would care. I'm the person that does everything for everyone, so admittedly my absence might be felt. It's just that they wouldn't MISS me.  It would be something like "this is normally something JustTrina handles. Oh well, I'll just do it myself." The world would continue to spin, the sun continue to rise. The problem is that I handle everything for everyone and no one does...

It's been a while since I've written and I think it's time for a return. I tried using normal, human outlets to air my frustrations, desires, and shortcomings; they did not work. Apparently I'm more comfortable posting my life with the possibility of public consumption than dealing in real life. Yet I'm terrible at social media, go figure. Anyways, today's post is about beauty, something I write about more oft than not. This does not mean that I'll be blogging every day nor does it mean that I will NOT be blogging daily. Bottom line: I just don't know. On with it, though. Let me start by stating that while I may have some improvements to make, I'm pretty much happy with who I am. The issue I'm having is getting that to translate to the ones I find attractive. How so? I'll explain. Like the proverbial "little girl" in the Jimmy Eat World song, I'm in the middle. Of everything. I'm not fat, not skinny. Not ugly, not beaut...

Okay, so it's been forever since I've POSTED, sorry. I've written -- just haven't posted. Which means I've really just vented then hit delete. But I'm here; I've got a plan. This isn't a fun plan, but a plan nonetheless. I think I'm posting about it because it makes me accountable, which is something I need, apparently. So, the idea: I'm starting the Dukan Diet TOMORROW. I say tomorrow because it was supposed to be today, but SOMEone (this guy) was wholly unprepared. So it starts tomorrow, where I will post all my stats, progress, feelings, etc. Stay tuned, folks....It's gonna be pretty epic.

Last night I had a Tron party. This party was fantastic and not at all what I'm gonna write about, I just wanted to keep you informed. Anyways, the discussion of romantic comedies came up because my dear friend Alena is all about them when I am not. Why, may you ask? Of COURSE you may!! It's not that I hate or am not into romantic love, I totally am. It's just the ideas I come up with in my brain beat anything that's on the big screen. I LOVE love...I just think the way the journey is portrayed is over-rated. Your typcial storyline: Boy meets girl, likes girl, chases girl and wins. Or vice versa. Someone fights the feeling, decides they're better off as friends then spends about 45 out of 80 minutes crossing the globe/country to find the other and a) take them from their current love, 2) put it all on the line and ask them to take a chance or d) stand in the rain and finally let all the feelings go and move in for a long awaited/anticipated kiss. Fast forward 1 year...

When you meet someone, you want them to think you are the best "you" that you can be, right? Somehow I missed that memo. I think it's because I've come so far in life that I just.don't.care. And I'm not allowed to do that, I know, but it is just SUCH a hard habit to break. We went on a trip to Miami and met a bunch of cool people this past weekend and I can honestly say I felt like they just TOLERATED me. Which, for me, is SUPER weird. I'm the awesome person in the group and I think my new social circle doesn't get that. While not fake, they are also not very...real. Make sense? Thought not. Like, instead of taking the good, bad and ugly, the people I am around tend to just deal in sunshine and roses, something I was NEVER able to do. That's not what my dad raised me to look at. And maybe this weird turn in my life where I am trying to develop "real life" friendships is just wrong. I just can't be fake. If I don't like you, I am p...

The name Jacob has often been a problem for me. We've got Taylor Lautner, the 16-yr-old that plays a HOT guy named Jacob, my friend's handsome son is named Jacob and now, enter my co-worker Jacob...Not much can be said about him--except the fact that he is my WEAKNESS. Let me explain. Jacob is a 6'4" HOMEGROWN HUNK of man. Soft brown eyes, cute, slightly thinning hair. He's like Matt Damon but hotter and I LOVE Matt Damon. He's a true mix between George O'Malley of Grey's Anatomy fame and Jason Bourne. Just FLY. Like, no eye contact fly. When I first saw Jacob, I purposely ignored him because I could tell it was going to be a problem. Then we had to have dinner a few weeks ago and my life has been ruined ever since. You know how I always say let the fantasy be a fantasy? So is not the case with Jacob. Despite my concerted efforts, I had to sit with the object of my affection and through conversation and longing glances, I have fallen in love. Like Malco...

In answer to Friday's blog I guess I thought I needed to drink. And drink I did, my friends. At the (mediocre) Maxwell concert, I drank a beer. Before that, I drank vanilla vodka and sprite at Alena's house. After the show, we went to my friend Bianca's house to partake in more beverages. Long story short, I got D-RUNK. Like, 2007 office party drunk. I was in a place I hadn't been i quite a while--and it felt GREAT. The minute I realized I was drunk, I stopped drinking because I knew where it would lead me. I was VERY close to the ugly place, trust me, friends. My filter was gone, leaving me to ruin everyone's life under the guise of being helpful. I did get a friend to finally man up and get a girl's number; I'm a fixer, what can I say. I also woke a one of Bianca's brothers up out of his sleep to say good night and told the other not to touch me because he "didn't know my situation." Issues, I know. So I was a drunkard and have a lot of a...

In case you've been wondering, yes, I am still alive. Barely, but still. I've had 2 emotional breakdowns with only one including violence, which is good by 1999 standards. Nothing really big, just missed my mom on Mother's Day and punched my (ex) friend Quince for making a vomit face at me last week. In hindsight, the punching, while not necessary, REALLY felt good. I'm sorry, but it's the truth. And no, I did not apologize. In the interest of full disclosue, I DID apologize--for missing him and hitting my cousin--but I was still okay with ending the friendship. It was a selfish moment, I admit, but sometimes I deserve those. Anyway, now that I am in a generally good mood, I decided that it was time to really get down to the brass of what's happening in my old noodle: I may need medication. Either that or some Yaz in my life. My emotions are at an all-time low after my cycle and I don't share that for comedic value, I believe it to be the honest truth. Examp...

Nothing really to say about it, just wanted to write a super cool title. I did, at one point, have an opinion but I'm over that.

That's right, people, GLEE is returning TONIGHT!! For those of you that don't understand, this is an EPIC event for me. There's my first kiss, my baptism and THIS. For reals. So, I've stayed away from all things Glee because I just couldn't STAND the time lapse between episodes but now that the time has come, I have some predictions. First, Kurt will not have a boyfriend this season -- I wanted this to happen, trust me, but the man is a movement by himself. Let him stay single a little longer. Second, Shue and the guidance counselor won't get/stay together -- Too much will they, won't they, do they, don't they. Besides, her neuroses are a LITTLE out of control and Shue's just...awesome. Acafellas and all. Third, I think Acafellas will perform again -- They'll just replace Ken since he ran away like a whiny little baby. Fourth, I call the Madonna episode being AWESOME!! -- I don't think she will appear but I DO know you can't go wrong when...

Okay, so I’m kind of a slut mouth. I am. No matter what Martini wants to believe about me, I love making out. And real-life make outs; not the “girl code” making out which really means sex. Now, here’s the problem: it’s not conducive to my current way of life. That forces me to daydream about it, go figure. This brings me to a thought I had the other day. Remember Capt. 22 and Capt. 27? Well, we’ve moved to the fantasy stage in our interaction. My fantasies with Capt. 22 have kids and marriage whereas all I do is make out with Capt. 27 repeatedly, saying "I feel nothing." Cuz I’m a slut mouth, that's that. While being ashamed of my fantasies, an amazing thought occurred and I'd like to share. Why does society look down on a broad for liking to kiss whereas a guy gets the high-five for being awesome? It's not fair and I hate double standards. So my conclusion is this: No one likes the girl that gives it all up, but no one likes the guy that takes it all, either. Th...

We all know that I am an open book, it's one of the things many love about me. What's weird about being an open book is the things you tend to cling to and keep to yourself. It's like I'm so "out there" that it gives people the false sense that they truly know me. Which I now think is wrong. I noticed that when every question that was asked of me by my new friend had a story to go with it. So now there's a false sense of closeness when there are so many more layers to who I am. Yeah, I can answer a question with no problem, but no one truly understands the depths of my issues. I have intimacy issues, body issues, anger issues, you name it. Like, yeah, I can tell you that my mother died but you have NO CLUE that some months I get deeply depressed to the point of thinking I need medication. Yeah I'm social but only because it keeps me from staying in my bed, watching DVR'd shows and sleeping my life away. Yeah, I can cook, but no one understands why ...

So I have a moral conundrum for you guys. Or for myself, whatevs. I've recently embarked on an attempt to make female friends. In this attempt, I've met an awesome chick that I think could go the distance and I'm excited. We went out on our first friend date this past Friday and had a blasty and there's more to come. Now, on to the dilemma. I am attracted to her brothers. My issue is that I LOVE DUDES. And it's hard to not be drawn to them cust they're just so stinkin' awesome. Anyway, moving on cuz that's not even the conundrum. She has 2 brothers, one is 22 and the other is 27. Capt. 22 is shorter but looks older whereas Capt. 27 is older but has a baby face. Capt. 22 seems a little more patient and seasoned whereas Capt. 27 seems a little more hot-headed. Now, the conundrum: Is it all right to be attracted to the 22-yr. old when society deems that the 27-yr old. is the appropriate one for me to be attracted to? Also, the fact that I am in the beginnin...

Seriously, I am. I have made so many changes in my life, August seems like a lifetime away. Over the course of the past 9 months, I can honestly say that I'm nowhere NEAR the person I was. Am I still awesome? Obvs. Do I use shortened words and speak in text? Duh. Have I managed my anger issues? Eh', still a work in progress. So...what's happened? Well, I'm no longer in radio but that's not news. I sometimes wish I were, but then I remember what my w-2's looked like and SNAP back to reality. As far as the fellas, I am still single. There are a few crushes, but right now I'm focusing on getting right with my God and His Son. No bilie thumping going on, I just need to be a little less crazy if a man's going to love me for me the RIGHT way. Moving on. Still a warrior for love, it's kinda my thing. I can fix everyone else's life but don't seem to be able to get mine in order. Maybe I'm out of practice cuz it HAS been almost a decade since...Mo...

Well, I know it's been a while and I really have nothing truly of note to write. Just want you to understand that I love you and that I will, in fact, get better. See, that was a promise. One I intend to keep. Smooches.

Dear Judgy McJudgenstein: It's been a pleasure waiting to catch my flight with you, but I ned you to do one thing. STOP STARING AT ME AS I EAT MY CHEESE FRIES...WITH RANCH. Granted, I'm sure I was quite attractive to you before I shoved my mouth with the crispy deliciousness from Charley's Grilled Subs, but I'm happy and I need you to understand that. I wiped my mouth when the cheese dribbled out the side and even covered up when I took in a whole forkful like a pro. So please, sir, do not judge me and let me enjoy this delectable delight in peace and avert your eyes. Sincerely, Fatty McFattenstein

I will start this post with a disclaimer: I'm a little emotionally volatile right now. But I can see clearly, so my feelings aren't totally unfounded. I've come to the conclusion that I have a bad friend. She's self-centered, selfish, inconsiderate and pretty much an all around bitch. Having once prided myself with the bitch connotation at one point, I can easily see why I was drawn to her. I guess just not when directed at me. Let me explain my situation: I am homeless, for all intensive purposes. I don't have a place, I gave it up for a job that has since been eliminated. I work at a retail store that was just meant to pass time until I moved to embark on my new journey. That didn't happene and I'm devastated. I am currently staying with my cousin, sharing her bed and being in the way. I cry myself to sleep and can't seem to get around to getting an upper hand on anything. But I digress. This friend offered her couch and when I took her up ...